Encouragement – Page 4 – All the things

Never Underestimate

July 24, 2014February 3, 2016 Jessica

When problems arise and you are looking for answers sometimes the answers can seem nonexistent, overwhelming, or unobtainable. I often pray about things and sometimes I feel like God is telling me the answer but I will quickly dismiss it because the answer just seems too big.

I keep seeing needs and I have dismissed them. They aren’t mine to deal with. They are bigger then me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do it. But all the while, I keep hearing God say, Do something. But God, I don’t know if I have any more energy. Do something. Well I would but I just don’t think that will work right now. Do something. Ok God, I will do something, but I will need to wait until the time is right and the circumstances all line up because right now it just doesn’t seem like it will fit. DO SOMETHING.

I am just an tired mom. I am, really. I go to bed tired and sometimes I wake up tired. Lets face it, sometimes I stay worn out in between! I feel like there are people around me who need me though. I think the church needs me. They need me to stop saying “but I am just a mom, there isn’t any more I can do” and I need to start saying “I am just a mom and that is all I can manage BUT God can manage much more and I am going to let Him use to me do it!”

Sometimes I think we all underestimate the power we have as individuals. What happens when you use your gifts and talents to set peoples hearts on fire for Jesus? Lets stop saying we can’t and start realizing God can. What impact can YOU have on one other person? It is a domino effect because the one (or more) that you choose to invest in will invest in others.

So guess what? I am going to stop telling God “that is too big” and I am going to start saying “God that is way too big for me alone, but I will do it and will need you to be my guide and my strength.” I know I can’t but I know He can. I am going to stop looking at all of the reasons why it can’t work and start finding all the reasons why it can. Stop making excuses and start seeking Gods answers to these problems. There is no better time then now and I know if God calls me to it, he will equip me with what I need to see it through!

**Disclaimer** I know that there are seasons where being a mom is really all we can do. I have been there! I am posting this as encouragement. I am feeling God ask me to do some things and this is just meant to encourage others who feel called to not allow things that seem too BIG stop them from following through. There are seasons, and I don’t want anyone to feel like I am trying to tell you to do more then you should. Please pray and ask for discernment for your situation but know that if God calls you to it, He will equip you to do it- even when it doesn’t seem like you can!

Cleft Lip, Encouragement

Harvey’s New Lip

July 14, 2014July 15, 2014 Jessica

Walking into to Arkansas Children’s Hospital at 5:30am for our sons surgery seemed surreal. I looked around at all the other families who had gotten up early, not fed their child breakfast to come and sit and wait on surgery. I wondered what their stories were and why they were there. I was handed a pager and told that it would buzz throughout the day as they needed us. We took a seat to wait, and then we bowed our heads and prayed in the waiting room.

A few minutes would pass and then the pager went off. It was just admissions. It was just paper work. I finished and took a seat again. It wasn’t long before the pager went off again. This time, it was a nurse who needed to start the pre-op process. Weight, length, blood pressure, and so on. Then we were taken back to a room where we would be given more information, changed into a hospital outfit and we would wait some more. Here, in that moment of waiting, I think my nerves really started to rise. I wasn’t a mess yet, which surprised me but I think reality was sinking in. They came in and pricked his foot to get some blood. It was a difficult process. Lots of tears, screaming, fighting and in the end, the sample clotted leaving them no choice but to do it again. My heart sank and I was sick. I watched him in pain already once and didn’t want to see it again. I prayed. The second time was actually no big deal. It was fairly quick and easy with only a few tears.

Doctors and nurses flooded in giving us more information and explaining the process and of course the risks. It was almost time for the surgery to start and I knew it would be happening soon. The wonderful nurse who is the cleft team coordinator was in the room talking with us. She is the one who takes him back to the OR. She always makes me feels so at ease. She was telling me not to worry. She then said “next time you see him he will have a new lip” and I lost it. I cried hard “But I like this lip!” I kissed all over him and squeezed him tight and walked away from our baby.

I know that they do this all the time. I know that this surgery isn’t the scariest surgery. But he is mine. My baby and regardless, It is heart wrenching handing him to someone and walking away, knowing they will put him to sleep, cut, and stitch him. The emotions were high for me.

We were told they would let us know after he was asleep and intubated. It was about 30 minutes in the waiting room but it seemed much longer. When I saw her (the nurse) coming to talk to us, my heart jumped. “He is fine, he is doing great!” Relief! She explained that they had just got everything done and had started the actual surgery. She stayed and visited with us for a while and my mind was eased. We would get updates every hour so we were just waiting for the pager to go off. I was anxious and wanted time to pass quickly. I was able to keep the tears inside while we were waiting.

3 hours after we handed our baby off, they paged us to tell us the doctor was ready to talk to us. He tells us how great it went, a little bit of what to expect when we see him, and some of the care instructions. I was somewhat relieved but he wasn’t awake yet and we hadn’t seen him, so I was still anxious.

Another 30 minute wait in the waiting room, we were paged to recovery. I wasn’t prepared for the flood of emotions that I would have. He had woken up too quickly (not during the procedure but when they started waking him up), so they had to give him another drug. When we were seeing him he hadn’t fully woken up. He was swollen, red, stitched up, and he looked so sad. The water works were on. When he woke up screaming my heart was breaking and I couldn’t keep it in. I am pretty sure the nurse thought I was nuts. She kept saying “oh he looks so good!” I kept saying “he looked so good before!” I realized that there was some resentment towards her- Does she even know how beautiful this baby boy is? How gorgeous he was when I walked in this morning? She is saying he looks so good and all I can think is my baby looked wonderful before and now he is in pain.

I wasn’t truly prepared for the emotion that would come from his lip being different. I knew the actual procedure would have me nervous and concerned but seeing him look so different was was so difficult.

I would like to say that my emotions calmed and Harvey was just as calm. But the hours that followed were hard. He would just scream and cry. Nothing made it better. They were giving him pain meds and it would help for a little while but he would just frail about and cry. There was a baby bed beside the chair in his room but if I laid him down he screamed even more. I held him the entire time we were there. He wasn’t wanting to eat (who could blame him) so I was pumping milk and trying to feed him with a syringe. But he didn’t like that either. This was so sad to me as well.

I was exhausted from lack of sleep, the heightened emotions, and caring for our baby. Harvey did eventually eat twice the first day. We were able to go home the next day around 10:30am. We were so thankful that he was getting that IV out and all the wires were unhooked. We could go home and care for him in comfort!

We have now been home a little over 24 hours. Harvey has given me a few smiles today which has totally blessed me! Today is much better then yesterday but he is still uncomfortable. He wants to be held and rocked or wants to lay on my chest while I pat his back. His swelling is down and he looks much better. I know with the coming days it will just get better and better.

This experience has opened my eyes to how much kindness I am surrounded by. From the wonderful friends who let our older kids stay with them for 2 nights, to the amazing friend who surprised me and cleaned my ENTIRE house and washed my sheets so I could come home to a clean house, to the friends bringing meals so we don’t have to cook these first few days home with him, the guys who came and took care of all of our animals, to the outpouring of prayers, comments, and encouragement that have come from Instagram, Facebook, text messages and phone calls.

I am so thankful that ACH is such an amazing hospital with an amazing staff. Our experience with the hospital was great! I am happy that this is behind us and we can move forward. I am happy that God is so good and gave us just what we needed when we needed it throughout the entire process.

Here is to Harvey and his new lip!

Cleft Lip, Encouragement, Uncategorized

Heres to the change!

July 11, 2014July 15, 2014 Jessica

It is the night before surgery. I have stared at him all day. Recorded smiles and coos. Taken a million pictures. Driven 150 miles. Ordered pizza in hotel room. And then stared at him some more. He has been so happy tonight. Smiles galore! I am pretty sure he is blessing me with all this sweet lovin’ knowing mommy needs it!

It is so crazy that 6 months ago I was nervous about meeting my son who I knew would look different and now I am nervous about having his “different” fixed. I feel blessed that so far, his cleft lip hasn’t caused any problems and we haven’t really faced any of the difficulties that we could have. So far we have had a very healthy baby.

I can’t help but stare at him. I love him and his lip. I love the way he looks when he is about to fall asleep and his lips pooch out. It always makes me smile when he lights up and that big grin spreads out over his face. I love watching that lip moves back and forth as he is sucking on his tongue in his sleep. Melt……

Tomorrow will change things. I have cried a few times today. I am sure tomorrow there will be more tears. I know I have said it before, But I really love him just the way he is.

Today I am realizing how many wonderful people we have in our lives. Today I have been overwhelmed with text messages, phone calls, emails, instagram comments, all letting us know that people were praying for us, thinking of us, asking if they can help, offering to bring meals, help with our older kids, encouraging me, and really just blessing my socks off!

So thank you all, for loving and supporting us through this journey. Tomorrow will start a new page…….

Encouragement, Family, My Story

Are you exhausted?

June 21, 2014June 21, 2014 Jessica

11 weeks and 3 days ago we welcomed our 4th child into this world. There are so many joys in new babies! I love so much about the experience. The visitors, the meals, the squishy baby in my arms all of the time, that new baby smell that is just intoxicating, all of the tiny little clothes. I mean really, whats not to love about a new baby?

Oh, you are thinking lack of sleep maybe? Or maybe the crying and excessive pooping they do? Well, there is that.

I will tell you that having baby number 4 has people asking me “are you just exhausted” almost daily. (I also get, “bless your heart” “wow you have your hands full” “oh man, I do not know how you do that” and a handful of other comments that I will just have to address in another post) When people ask me that I tend to have a generic response that is something like this “not really. I feel pretty good actually”

But yesterday we had some friends over. We were standing in the kitchen and she asked “So are you just exhausted?”. I gave my normal response, except my husband was standing behind me and he started laughing. I turned around and looked at him and he said “did you really just say that?” It really got me thinking about it. It made me think about why I really don’t feel the need to feel exhausted. And also to think about why my husband was seeing things so different.

I have decided its called mom strength. Am I exhausted? Probably. Being a mom is hard work, tiring, 24/7, non stop. There is a never ending list of tasks to be done and they must be done while juggling kids and life. Being a mom is probably one of the hardest jobs on the planet. I think every mom is exhausted. Am I right? It just comes with the job.

So why does my husband laugh when I say I am not exhausted? First of all, my husband sees me daily. He knows what I do, he sees me at the end of a long hard day filled with non napping children, a day that hasn’t gone at all as planned, and an 11 year old who knows better. He knows I get up to feed the baby throughout the night and even when I am asleep I am not resting because my body is on mom alert. He hears me say “I just don’t know if I can do it again tomorrow” in a moment of weakness. He knows I am exhausted.

If I am exhausted, why do I not explain that when people ask? I don’t think I notice how exhausted I am most of the time. I think I just get up and go and do whatever is in front of me. If you asked me if I was exhausted in the middle of a really tough day, I would probably be really honest, but for the most part, every day life and the exhaustion that comes with it just feels pretty normal. When I stop and look at things honestly, I think my strength and perspective comes from God and leaning on Him.

“Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

This verse does not mean that I will never be tired or even exhausted (because I am both). I just know that trusting in the Lord for my strength has been so fruitful for me. I have been able to muster through some rough days by simply relying on the Lord for strength. God always provides what we need in the moment when we rely on Him. I have learned that He might not always answer my prayers the way I envision them being answered, but he always answers. God called mothers into the mission field of being a mom and He is faithful to walk with us until our mission is complete! God is bigger then anything we face daily. He is bigger then physical and mental exhaustion. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28

Moms- It is ok to be exhausted. It is ok to realize how hard your job is and how much weight you carry by doing it. But be encouraged that God called you into Motherhood and He is there with you every step of the way. Ask Him for whatever you need. Remember that you are not alone either, look around you, moms everywhere are exhausted too, just like you. Hug another mommy and remind her how precious she is to her children and to God. Take time to laugh with a fellow mom and see how much exhaustion fades away when you choose to smile and find joy. Encourage someone else today because you can. Love with all your heart and soul. Remember you have the power to change the world, one little tiny person at at time. Being a mom is a BIG job, an important job, an exhausting job. But God chose YOU to do it because He knows you can!

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Cleft Lip, Encouragement, Family

Lessons from Harvey

June 19, 2014June 21, 2014 Jessica

When I was 22 weeks pregnant and told that our baby would have a cleft lip, I was devastated. Emotions and thoughts flooded my mind in the days that would follow. I vowed not to google anything that day and stood by that for a few weeks. To be honest, at first all I could think about is how different he would look. My other 3 babies all looked so very similar at birth and we would get told over and over “oh that is a Meinardus baby”. I feared that he would be different. Would I fall instantly in love with him? Would people stare at us at Walmart? Would I need to constantly defend my child? Will his siblings care that he looks different? Those were really my first thoughts. Vein, insecure, selfish thoughts.

A few weeks after our initial diagnosis, we met with my OB and he suggested we research a surgical team. So that is when I started googling. I soon found ACH had a cleft team and made a few phone calls. After a phone consult, my emotions suddenly shifted. I was overwhelmed by the information given. Suddenly, my thoughts were flooded with concerns. Now I am reading blogs and forums of parents whose children are on their 7th, 8th, 9th surgeries and still have more to go. These children have to undergo so much pain. My heart started to break. I couldn’t even imagine my child having to have one surgery, let alone 10. I had already been praying but now I was praying even harder. I knew I needed to rely on my faith now more then ever.

Slowly, my fears eased and I started to feel at peace with everything. We went to Children’s for a prenatal consult where we were given even more information. We left overwhelmed again but were glad we had all the information. We knew he would be having surgery at around 3 months of age and that was about the only thing we knew for sure until he was born.

That day at Children’s they told us that after surgery, parents often will morn their child’s appearance. That they miss the way their babies looked. I remember thinking then, “I can’t imagine that. I am sure we will want to have that fixed for him so he will look normal.”

But……. Harvey Powell has changed everything. This boy has shown me so much. He has shown me what perfection is all about or maybe what it is not about. Harvey has shown me that what some people see as a flaw, is actually the most beautiful thing imaginable. He has taught me that joy can be found in the most unsuspecting places. He has, more times then I can count, brought me to tears with his beauty. Harvey is truly a gift.

Now, looking at him, I can’t imagine him any other way. I can’t even picture him “normal” and I really don’t want to either. His smile is enough to melt the polar ice caps! When he is sleeping and that sweet lip is split, it is all I can do not to just kiss him all over! When his tongue comes through that sweet cleft it puts the biggest smile on my face! I am telling you the joy that flows from him is incredible!

When I think about how I see Harvey, I can’t help but think about how God sees us. I know I see myself as a flawed, imperfect human. Some days, I pick myself apart so badly it doesn’t even feel like there is anything left to pick at. I see physical flaws every time I look in the mirror. I often wonder what others are seeing when they see me and I assume they are seeing the flaws. But when God sees us, I don’t think he sees our flaws, I think he sees our beauty. Isn’t that amazing? Harvey is teaching me to see the world differently. With eyes that look past flaws and see beauty. When I see Harvey, all I see is beauty.

Tonight as I write this blog, I have been looking through some pictures that I have taken to preserve these precious memories. In a few weeks, Harvey will have a new look. Not a better look, but a new one. I have so many mixed emotions but tonight I am just plain thankful. Thankful for him and for the perspective he has given me. Thankful for cameras (and good friends who let you borrow macro lens) that allow me to capture his natural beauty. Thankful for a God who never leaves us. Thankful for loving and supportive friends and family. Just thankful. I hope you enjoy these beautiful photos as much as I do!

Encouragement, My Story

Acceptance

June 5, 2014June 21, 2014 Jessica

Do you ever wake up and try to beat your toddler to the coffee pot? You know what I mean? You need to get a cup a coffee in before you hear a whiney “mommy I need a drink” or before there is any chance of a melt down. I know that is a reality in this house. We have 4 kids ranging from 2 months old to 11 and all 4 of them are at home with me all day. There is a toddler in that mix and anyone who has ever had a toddler knows that they can be tricky at times.

Right now at this point in my life I have found that there are days that are just hard. There are long nights that leave me exhausted. There are days with more meltdowns than smiles. Some days I feel like I get nothing done (which is hard for me because I am a doer). At times I wonder if I will ever have any time for anything! Days come where the 2 year old is refusing to nap and wants me to lay with her. I planned to do things while she napped. The baby is asleep and I need her to sleep too! This is a place to easily get frustrated.

I know there have been so many times where I have told my husband “I am just so tired. I don’t know if I can do this again tomorrow!” He has jokingly said, “don’t worry, it will get better in a few years” Oh my word, so much for encouragement! We had our first two kids 2 years apart just like the last two. We survived that and I know we will survive this too. The fact is, I know that this time passes by so fast! I know that I am going to miss these days. I missed them as soon as they were over with our first two.

Acceptance. That is where I have gotten to. I have accepted that I may not get anything on my to-do list done. I am ok with that. I have decided to embrace each moment of the day. When Garner has a meltdown, I remind myself that she is strong willed, full of life and that she makes me laugh more then she makes me cry. I remind myself of the pure joy that flows from her tiny two year old body. When the baby is fussy and isn’t wanting to sleep, I choose to see the blessing it is to have him in my arms. It is so easy to be consumed by the craziness of life and to miss the blessings.

I don’t want to allow anything to stop me from seeing all the good things in my life. There is always good no matter what is going on. We get to choose joy. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. My life is not perfect. There are lots of moments that are stressful and seem impossible. Things don’t always go the way I plan. There are disappointments. But there is no life I would rather have. Choosing to let the joy overshadow the chaos has been one of the most amazing feelings! I lean on prayer a lot. I give the things I can’t control to God and ask Him for strength and wisdom daily, especially in parenting these 4 amazing kids.

One thing that I have used my one on one time with the kids for is praying for them individually. I have found myself laying in bed with Garner or rocking Harvey a lot lately. I know when it is 10:30pm and I have been trying to get them to sleep for 2 hours and have been hearing cries for 2 hours, my emotions are high and I know I am vulnerable to have a meltdown myself. So, I have just started praying through all of it. I start praying for their future, their friends, for who they will become, for wisdom in parenting them and guiding them to be the person God created them to be, and even for their future spouse. Praying sends all my anxiety away, eases my spirit and gives me peace all while reminding me of the blessing it is be a mommy.

So, kiss your life! Love where you are today. Rocking babies, kissing boo-boos, waking up for 2am feedings, or maybe you are struggling with a teenager. Wherever your life is now, focus on loving it, or else you might miss the happiness that is right in front of you.

Encouragement, Family, My Story

Whatever God is calling you to…

May 16, 2014June 21, 2014 Jessica

Have you ever asked God what He has for you? Ever been willing to just do whatever He asks? I have been praying for sometime that God just reveal to me what he wants me to do next. I am in a new season full of new things and I find myself more then ever seeking His will over mine. A few weeks ago I was praying in the car on a drive to NWA and I felt like God was telling me to encourage moms. I felt like he was saying moms need to be encouraged in their roles as moms and you can do it. I was talking out loud to God and pretty much just said “ok God I can do that! I can encourage moms when I am having conversations and hear they need it.” But it felt like He said “no, there is more”

I will tell you that I have never felt like God was asking me to do something like this. I know it might not seem like something HUGE but I felt he was really asking me to do it. So I started praying daily for the details, the plan. I need a plan- I am a planner! I asked my husband to pray for me too. I didn’t really tell anyone about this because I had no idea what I was suppose to be doing! Everyday I would pray, and everyday God would send me some sort of message. For about a week the message was “whatever God is calling you to, just do it” I felt stronger about this calling everyday. But still had no idea how I was suppose to do it. I thought maybe I was suppose to start some sort of group. But it just didn’t seem possible. Moms are busy already, I am busy, when would have time to meet? So I just kept praying.

I decided that maybe blogging was the way I was suppose to reach people. But I still just wasn’t sure. Then I got this message from a girl who I didn’t really know. Our kids were in the same preschool class 5 years ago but I didn’t really know her. I mean I would wave and say hi if I saw her at Walmart but I didn’t know anything about her and she didn’t know anything about me either. We hadn’t even been Facebook friends until a few days prior to her message. Her message sent chills up my spine. It basically said that as crazy as it sounded, she felt like God told her I was suppose to speak at their Mother/Daughter banquet at her church. She said she wasn’t even sure if I was a speaker (I am not!) She gave me her number and asked me to call her if I was interested. When I called my first question was “did someone tell you to ask me?” I could tell she was feeling a little bit embarrassed and said “I know it sounds crazy but as I prayed about who was suppose to speak your name just kept coming to my mind and I felt like God was saying it was you”

So I feel like God asks me to encourage moms, then I get asked to speak at a banquet for moms? WOW- how could I even possibly deny that God was really asking me to do all that? I am still humbled and overwhelmed to be used. But guess what? We all can be used and God has something for all of us, we just have to ask, and be willing to do whatever it is that He asks of us. So He asked me to speak at this banquet and I said yes. Even though I didn’t feel equipped, worthy, or ready to do that! God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I kept reminding myself of that!

I would like to say I was so excited to speak in front of people. That it was a dream come true, but the truth is I was scared to death! I had no idea what I would say or how to say it! I would also love to tell you that I feel like I did a great job speaking at the banquet. I don’t know what I said and just pray that I said something that someone in that room needed to hear!

I hope that those who read this will see it as encouragement to just ask God for vision and then be ready to do what he asks you to do! Even if it is scary and outside of your comfort zone! Speaking in front of people was scary for me, but I did it and it feels great to have been able to step outside of my fear to do what God asked! God’s plans are so much bigger and better then our own!

I have more blog posts coming to share some of what I have been experiencing as a momma and hoping that it will encourage other momma’s too!

Cleft Lip, Encouragement, Family, My Story

Meet Harvey

April 11, 2014June 21, 2014 Jessica

This sweet boy has already made such an impact on our family! He decided to wait 2 hours after his big brothers birthday ended to make his appearance. At 2:20am on April 1st, Joel and I got to meet this incredibly handsome boy! Life has been a little crazy with doctor appointments, adjusting to life with 4 kids, and everything else that goes on in life, but Harvey has been an amazing baby (I just knocked on wood and realize that today will probably be the day all that changes). Kamden, Jade, & Garner LOVE him. He gets passed around a lot and loved on even more. Garner has adjusted well and is doing great as a big sister. She just adores him. I know so many have been waiting on an update so here goes! Harvey weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces when he was born. He started nursing minutes after being born and has been doing fabulous ever since. This is a HUGE blessing and something so many of you have prayed for me. We knew there was a good chance with his cleft lip that he might not be able to nurse but Praise The Lord he is doing well! He is gaining weight too, which is another blessing. As long as he continues to gain weight, I can keep nursing! Yesterday we were able to go meet with our doctor at Children’s. Children’s has a clinic in Lowell, which is a lot closer for us. Our doctor comes once a month to see patients there so we were able to do our first appointment there. We found out that they will allow us to continue to come there for our monthly visits in Lowell. Another huge blessing! The doctor said Harvey looks great! He does have a notch in his gum that looks to be a pretty good one. We won’t know what all this will entail until later on. It could effect a number of things, but right now we are not going to worry about it because they can’t fix it until later on. His surgery on his lip will be at 3 months which will fall at the first of July. We will get a surgery date soon. One thing that I was concerned about was his eating after surgery. We knew that he could not take a binkie after surgery (so we decided not to give him one) but I wasn’t sure about feedings. We found out yesterday since he is nursing, it won’t effect anything! He gets to continue to nurse after surgery! Another blessing!! If he was bottle fed, we would have to use a syringe to feed him. So, as of now, Harvey is doing great! {and he is absolutely gorgeous, if I do say so myself!!} He is eating well, his cleft looks minimal, and we just feel incredibly blessed! Thank you all for your prayers, calls, meals, and visits!

Celebrate Recovery, Encouragement, Family, My Story

Living in the wrong season?

March 14, 2014September 17, 2015 Jessica

Running on empty, burning the candle at both ends……. Ever feel like this describes you?

Early on in my adult life, a good friend told me that there were “seasons” of life. I remember feeling so relieved to hear this concept. I was happy to know that even though I felt as if things would never be different, that seasons come and go. I have often struggled with wanting to be in a different season then I am in. A lot of the time I don’t even realize that is what I am doing. I have had seasons that are short and pass quickly and some that feel as though they last longer then I would like.

Right now I am in over drive. Over committed, especially on a mental level. I feel over whelmed and exhausted almost daily. Why is this? Why can’t I just shake this? Why does this cycle seem to repeat itself over and over? I have been reflecting and trying to figure it out. I find that when I feel like I do right now, it is because I am needing to be really honest with myself (and maybe to others too) about something. I know that if I am doing the same things over and over and nothing is changing, there is a problem. Who wants to admit that? Who wants to evaluate what they are doing wrong? Not me! That is not fun, but I have found it is the only way for true growth.

I am well aware that I do “too much”. Although when I look at my days, I seem to justify my busy time by saying I just do what I have to. But do I really? This is where I decided to write down all that I do. I included every day things like grocery shopping, meal planning, and laundry. Then I listed things I had committed to such as homeschool, marriage ministry, bible study, leading life group, and then the commitments we had made for the kids, dance, soccer….. I also looked at what I had committed to in my own spiritual journey, Celebrate Recovery, devotions, books. Writing it all out really helped me to gain perspective on how much I really have on my plate.

I started wondering if I was trying to live in the wrong season? I mean there is nothing on my list of things that I don’t want to do. There isn’t anything bad on my list and I really want to do all of it, and probably sometimes even more. I love being active and busy. I truly find so much joy in giving and doing for others. But is it possible that because I am overloaded and unfocused that I am daily missing the blessing of the season I am in? I am committed to fulfilling dreams, passions, and desires that could wait for another season? Am I in a season that should be focused on kissing boo-boos, reading stories, building the character of my children, encouraging my husband, and becoming a healthier me? Have I placed my focus on too many things that the most important ones are suffering in this season?

What would happen if I boldly asked God to reveal to me what He has for me right now. In this season. Would I accept it if God said “Be a mother to your children. Raise them to know and love me. Care for them the way you always wanted to be cared for. Be a good wife to your husband and meet his needs and help him to fulfill his dreams. Continue to grow your life as a follower of me. Seek Me before you commit to things. When you want to do good, make sure it is to show the love of Christ and not for mans approval or praise.” That is truly where I feel like God is calling me…… So what is stopping me now?

Honestly, guilt, fear, and a lack of trust in the Lord. I feel guilty if the kids don’t get to do everything they want to. I feel bad if I have to say no to a very worthy cause. I am sad to disappoint someone by not being there. I am afraid that if I give up things, I will loose my sense of worth. I think that if I am not doing visible good things that no one will see me as good. I try to find my confidence in what others think of me. I feel pressure to keep up with a certain level of busy, or else I am being lazy. I am too focused on the outside world and not enough on my bible, time with God, and investing in my family.

All of that is hard to say and hard to admit. But it is truth….. Stepping out of the dark, into the light. Out of denial, and closer to Jesus……

So now, I am reevaluating priorities. Looking at my list and praying about everything on it. Does it mean backing out of some things for now? Does it mean saying no to things I would like to do? Will I miss some fun opportunities? Will someone possibly be upset with me for saying no? More then likely yes. But if I truly seek God and His will for this season (and every season to come) I trust that I will be fulfilled despite what I am giving up. God is good and His plan and timing are perfect. He doesn’t want us running on empty, exhausted, and overwhelmed. If I am feeling this way, it means that I am doing something He doesn’t have for me. We live in a world where there is always something or someone begging for your time and energy. I am going to choose to enjoy this season I am in and know that there will be a time for other things!

Encouragement, Family, My Story

Perception: a mess or a blessing?

March 2, 2014June 21, 2014 Jessica

Perception is a funny thing. Have you ever looked at something and saw it completely different then someone else? I often see how different perception is when I hear my kids talk. They see the world so differently then we do. I also hear it when others talk about themselves, situations, opinions. I have really started seeing how powerful perception is and how different it can be.

Last week I was getting ready for life group and I was busy getting the house ready. Cleaning, putting things away, making sure we had everything we needed and so on. I looked around and felt really good about everything. I started preparing my portion of our meal and before I know it, I look around around me and in the floor there are toys all over the place, some “crunchy” which is just G’s cereal she likes to eat, and I suddenly felt the need to sigh and be a little irritated. I had just spent a lot of time cleaning and preparing. I had already swept the floors and the toys had been put back into their places.

Perception……. Sometimes I think it is a choice. How we choose to view situations is up to us. Times like these are the ones I would struggle with (and still do). I would immediately come a little unravelled (sometimes a lot), and I would begin to allow my emotions to just take over. Cereal and toys in the floor would become “no one ever listens” “you guys never” or “you always!” and then I would start remembering every single thing that drove me nuts.

In that moment, after I sighed, I smiled. I looked at my kids who love me so very much, and I said out loud “I think that this small mess could have easily thrown off my mood, but I am choosing to see if differently. You know what I see? A blessing! I am a blessed momma to have these kids and this mess.” And that was it. We stopped, and cleaned up the mess and there was nothing more. Well except for maybe a small victory for me!

To some reading this, it might seem very silly, but maybe there are other areas in your life where you are struggling to see positive. I am working hard to change my perception of things. One thing that is helping me is to gain biblical perspective on my life. Often times, the reactions that seem to be most natural and justified, are actually destructive and harmful.

Perception is a very powerful choice. How we choose to see things can effect every aspect of our life. We have a choice in how we perceive situations, circumstances, ourselves…. I have found that a lot of my reaction comes from my perception of what is going on. These choices aren’t easy, but I find when I choose to see things in a positive light, I feel so much better!