Celebrate Recovery, Encouragement, Family, My Story, Uncategorized

This is grief…

dad.jpg Fall is by far my favorite season.  Temperatures are suppose to be cooling off (we are in AR though!), pumpkins are everywhere, sweaters are a staple and apple cider is served at all the parties.  But in the midst of my favorite season is October 4th.  4 years ago this day started having a significance in my life.  It is the day my dad died.

If you have followed my blog  you know that it was a tragic day.  My dad ended his own life a few months shy of his 60th birthday.

Grief.  If you haven’t ever experienced it, there is no way to truly understand it and it certainly looks different for everyone.  I didn’t understand it before my dads death.  I thought I understood it- there are 7 stages to it.  I am sure you just work your way through each stage. That is what I thought.  I couldn’t have told you the stages or anything about it.  Grief was sad, I knew that much.  It seemed like some people struggled with grief more than others but I never had taken time to really understand.

I made a counseling appointment within days of my dads death.  I knew I needed it, even though at that time, I had no idea how much.  I remember being shocked when my amazing counselor explained that the stages of grief didn’t happen in a particular order  and it wasn’t like you work through one stage and then you are done with it.  Sometimes you bounce around several times, through several stages, over several months, potentially years.  He said on average, the initial grief lasts 12-18 months.  DO WHAT?  No way!  This was not what I wanted to hear.  You see, I am a tell me what I need to do to overcome this and I will do it kind of girl.  Grief seemed to have no real rules, guidelines, boundaries, OR a step by step guide.  I was discouraged knowing it wasn’t going to be over quick.  That he wasn’t going to hand me an outline that I could neatly work through.

I am so thankful that my counselor explained grief to me.  It allowed me to have grace for myself in the process and not get so hung up “doing it right” or feeling like it wasn’t going as fast as I thought it should.  I tend to place expectations on myself that are fairly high (working on this!) and I know without his guidance, navigating grief would have left me a bigger hot mess.

It has been 4 years and there is still grief.  I still experience all the stages at times.  I honestly don’t know if it will ever go away completely,  it is a major loss.  But grief today looks so different compared to grief the first year.  At first, I was a roller coaster of emotions and EVERYTHING reminded me of my dad.  I worked hard to get past the initial PTSD responses I had.  We found my dad, the day was very traumatic.  It left a lot to work through.  Once I was past that, every time we ate a food he liked, drove past a place he enjoyed, or really anything- I would either cry devastating tears that my dad wasn’t here to experience it or I would laugh and smile recounting the memories we shared.  It was  fairly constant up and down emotion.  When I say EVERYTHING reminded me of him, I  mean it.

Suicide probably complicates grief a little because there are so many what if’s.  The what if’s are so difficult and it took me a long time to let it go. I put in lots of work, trusting my counselor in the process and now the what if’s don’t consume me.  They creep up from time to time, but I remind myself of truth and move on.

4 years later….. I still think about my dad and wish he was still here so there would be a chance our complex, not traditional father/daughter relationship, could have a opportunity to heal.  I think about my dad often and usually I process the emotions that come, and go on. I still get sad he never met our 5th baby or that he is missing out on so many amazing things my kids are doing.  I can’t go eat BBQ or catfish without thinking about how much he would be enjoying it right now.  We think about good times and good memories- like the way he ate 1/2 a peanut butter sandwich with a glass of OJ every morning, like clock work, and never missed his Irish Breakfast hot tea. The library is such a fond memory too, because as long as he could get there, he went daily.  He loved to read and remembering him reading to my kids is the best.

But sometimes, I am overwhelmed by a rush of grief over his death, that takes me by surprise, leaves me breathless, with a face dripping wet in tears.  Sometimes the what if’s flood my mind and cause me to be angry.  There are times that I just don’t understand and none of it seems real.  At times, I have found myself smack dab in the middle of grief, 4 years later.

“Don’t worry, it gets easier with time.”  This is something people say to comfort others.  I often wonder if those people have experienced grief.  I guess maybe easier is an ok way to say it, but I just think it gets different.  I am never going to not be sad my dad died.  Honestly, that is just a weird thought.  I think saying it gets easier potentially puts expectations on grief.  Loosing someone you love is never easy.  Time doesn’t make it easy.  Time has made it different.  Grief over my dad will probably always be here, but I am thankful there is peace.  I am thankful I have healed so much.  And I am thankful there is grace- even when the grief creeps in and I am crying crocodile tears.

If you are struggling with grief and haven’t seen a counselor, I highly recommend it.  Give yourself grace, but also allow yourself to process and heal.  It is truly a process and I for one, haven’t given it an end date.  Grief hasn’t kept me stuck, but I have accepted that it hasn’t fully left and maybe it never will.

{I am not a counselor or professional.  These are my opinions, thoughts, and experiences that I am sharing simply to encourage others.}

For more on this topic see these posts:

My Truths about Suicide & Depression

Suicide Still Hurts

When God Fulfills His Promises

 

 

 

 

Family, Uncategorized

Valentin Imperial Maya- Trip Review

DSC_0678ccWe just celebrated our 15th anniversary last week!  We knew we wanted to get away to celebrate and started looking and planning.  We debated so many places but we remembered how amazing our trip to the Valentin was 3 years ago and in the end, the thought of relaxing and being spoiled by the amazing staff won!

I enjoy real life reviews of people who weren’t paid to write them, so I decided I would take a little time to tell you about our trip!

First of all, we always book with Cheap Caribbean.  We have booked 3 trips with them and have had a fabulous experience each time! We use them to book the resort, airfare, & our transportation to and from the airport.  It has been a seamless process each time.

We book the cheapest room.  I have to say- the cheap rooms are incredible.  I feel like I am being spoiled big time.  The room is comfortable, plenty big, and includes so many amenities.  The other room options may be better for your needs or desires, but we loved ours.  We were in building 5 which is close to the main pool, one of the restaurants, and beach access.  It is a decent walk to the main lobby, entertaining area, spa, and other restaurants, but we spend most of our time on the beach so we don’t mind to walk to the main area once a day.

IMG_5186The beach is huge.  It goes on and on.  One side of the beach is clear and the other side does have a more rocky area.  However, if you love to get in the water, there is plenty of clear space to get out and swim.  One morning we went out the beach at sunrise and loved sitting on the rocky area, watching the waves hit the rocks!  So beautiful!  During the day, we parked under our favorite beach hut with the perfect view of the water!  IMG_5190

There are lots of huts that are free for the taking.  We usually got there between 9-10 and never had any issue getting our spot daily.  If you would rather have a reserved spot daily they have choices for you too!  You can pay extra to reserve a bigger cabana, that has bed style lounger.  They have these available at the pool too.  We were perfectly happy with our spot so we didn’t do this.  (Side note, the morning I took this picture we had gotten to the beach at 8am, but by 10 there are a lot more people out and fewer free cabanas)IMG_5187

**Tip: Take an insulated cup and have them put your drinks in it.  The ice melts in minutes otherwise.  We found this to be really wonderful, especially on the beach!

IMG_4794I know seaweed is a problem for a lot of the resorts.  Unfortunately, there is no way to keep the seaweed from coming.  The staff at the Valentin work so hard to keep the beach clean and free from seaweed.  They are out there all the time working to make sure it is cleaned up the best they can.  IMG_5188

The grounds of this place are immaculate!  Every walk way, building exterior, and pool side are all so well kept and beautiful!  I was in awe of how well it is landscaped and maintained.  It felt like we were walking in paradise everywhere we went!

IMG_5189Lets talk about food.  This is all inclusive so all of your meals are included.  There are several options.  2 breakfast restaurants that are buffet style.  We loved the omelet station and wide variety each day.  It is easy to overeat when the buffet is full of great food!  They have coffee, tea, and a variety of juices too! I love fruit and the selection was always exceptional.  At lunch there are several options as well.  There are 2 buffet options as well as a pool side option.  We chose to eat the buffet all but one day.  We grabbed a burger and ice cream cone by the pool the other!  My husbands favorite thing at lunch are the made to order fajita’s.  He can’t get enough! Each day there is a lunch theme but they always have a good variety so there is something for everyone.

At dinner there are 6 restaurants (7 if you count the one that isn’t included in the all inclusive package).  These aren’t the official names but rather the type: French, Italian, Asian, Mexican, Steak/Seafood, and Indonesian.  We were able to eat at 5 of the 6 this trip, everything but the Mexican.  We had a great dinning experience at all of them.  We had never eaten Indonesian food and it was different, but we found things we liked.  There is also a Hibachi grill inside the Asian restaurant which is included but you have to make a reservation.  The reservations are highly sought out so if you want to go, you need to start trying to make a reservation the first day because you may not get it! I could write a lot about the food, but I think the important thing is, we like it!  Everyone has their own expectations, likes/dislikes, but for us, the food is wonderful! OH- and room service is included, 24 hours a day, so that is always an option too!  (There is a dress code for the restaurants and they do enforce it, so please read the dress code on their website and pack according)

IMG_4764Next I want to discuss service.  From the moment you get to the resort you get incredible service!  They always say “welcome home” and want you to feel comfortable.  They take your bags, greet you with champagne and a cool, refreshing, infused towel.  Everyone from checkin to the waitstaff,  entertainment staff, and everyone in between- are friendly and ready to make your experience fabulous!  We always find our favorites each time we go.  We love hearing their life stories and how they got to where they are now.  The staff at the Valentin are certainly are perk to staying there!

IMG_5191If you have looked at this resort, you know they have amazing pools.  This trip, we didn’t get in the pool one time (I know, right?).  Normally we bounce from the beach to the pool but this trip we really wanted to hang out at the beach and relax.  Relaxation was our goal and we found that on the beach.  The pools are all gorgeous and seems like everyone finds their favorite spot.  DSC_0609cc

Every day we received a newsletter type thing with all the daily need to knows. Each day there was a restaurant that was closed, list of daily activities, and the nightly entertainment.  My husband played beach volleyball one day but other than that, we skipped the day time fun.  Our lives are very full and we go all the time.  We had decided to make this trip nothing but relaxing time.  At night, there is always live music of some kind and a DJ after the live music, as well as a show.  The band is always great and we watched 2 shows while we were there.  Both were entertaining!  There is always something to do if you want to do something!

DSC_0656ccThere are so many extra services offered that are not included, like the spa, resort photographer, privilege club, bottles of wine, and more.  We didn’t take advantage of any of these, but I did debate a beach massage and wish I would have done it!  I brought my camera and found some places to rest it and used my timer to get a few pictures of us.  It was challenging to get much variety in poses between limited places to set my camera and the wind at the beach, but we did get a few.  I priced the resort photographer after attempting pictures and not feeling great about it, but in the end, it was more than we wanted to spend for so few of photos.  I will say, their portfolio looked really good and I was very tempted.  Next time maybe we will splurge for it!

I really don’t have any complaints but one thing I want to mention is the size of the resort.  I know for some people, the size is concerning.  It is BIG.  We did not see all of the resort either time we were there.  It is easy to get lost at first, but once you figure out where everything is, it is easier.  Most of the restaurants, spa, and entertainment are a good walk away from the beach and main pool.  Honestly this didn’t bother us because we enjoyed our walks and the chance to burn off our calories! ha! Because the resort is so big, it is also easy to find your spot and feel more at home.  We got in our routine and just stuck with it all week. But the size also allows you to experience something different each day if you want!

Our trip to the Valentin Imperial Maya was wonderful!  We wouldn’t hesitate going back again or recommending it to a friend.  I hope this review answered all the questions you might have!

 

Encouragement, Family, My Story, Uncategorized

Do you struggle well?

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“I wish I knew how to struggle well.  I know everyone struggles, but I think there is a better way” a friend said to me one day.  I have thought so much about this and have often wondered why we assume others struggle better than we do.

Almost 4 weeks ago we moved out of our house that we sold and since then we have been staying with friends, while the shop we will be living in is finished (we will live in the shop while the next house is built).  Some people think that what we are doing is crazy, if you are one of those people, you are right! For the last 3 weeks or so of this, we have been waiting on electricity- shop is ready, we just need electricity.  The Electric company told us a timeline, we made our choices based on that timeline, but needless to say, the timeline was way off.

We have 7 people in our family so being displaced for several weeks is no small feat.  I have several suitcases and bags packed with all the things we need regularly.  We brought no toys or activities, just the necessities, and still our van is at max capacity.   It takes us several trips to and from the car each time we go to a new spot.  Normal people don’t have space for 7 extra people, but we have been blessed with friends who shift their families and make room for us.  I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful we are for the friends who have welcomed us and treated us like family.  Made us feel right at home and as if all the extra chaos was no big deal.

but…….

It has been tough.  difficult.  trying.  exhausting.  emotional.

We had a timeline.  We were planning 7-10 days, but I had said 2 weeks to be safe.

I decided to write this today because we are still waiting.  I am still in the struggle.  I thought I would blog about our journey staying with friends once we were in the shop, but I decided I was going to write this in the struggle.  You see, it is easy to assume people struggle well when we see them or hear about the struggle AFTER the struggle.  How often do people invite us into the struggle while it is happening?  I know for me, the number of times this has happened is very very few.

So here I am, 4 weeks later.  After countless dates that the electric would be on, today we were given another one.  I want to believe that we will have electricity Wednesday which is when they said they plan to be there now, but I know that it is out of my control and I just don’t know.  Unglued, hot mess, not ok.  This is me, tonight.  I am exhausted from packing up our stuff loading the car, then doing it all again in a few days.  I am frustrated that we are still displaced much longer than we anticipated.   I  have cried a lot.  My kids have seen my mess.  I wish my emotions were all sunshine and rainbows and full of joy and looking on the bright side- but they aren’t.  Each time we are told a new date, further away,  I become a mess.

Maybe to some, this seems completely irrational.  Maybe you are really worrying about me.  Or maybe you are like oh man, I know how it feels to be emotionally and physically drained and unable to handle or process one.more.thing.

I am writing this today, not for sympathy, but in hopes that I can be a little more real.  That maybe me writing this during the struggle will help someone else.  I (we) tend to fear that if people knew how ugly our struggle was, that we would be judged, talked about, or even that people might think we are crazy, but I think the reality is, we all have ugly struggles that most people don’t see.  If we are brave enough to admit we are struggling, we will find that there is support, love, and people who are willing to love us through all the yucky feelings we have.

We live in a culture where it isn’t really acceptable to feel pain or to admit we struggle.  We are suppose to mask it and cover it up and pretend its not there.  But the reality is, we need to face the pain and the reason it is present.  Allow ourselves to feel pain long enough to process it.  Hiding it or pushing it away only causes deeper wounds.

Struggling stinks.  Struggling alone is torture.  So find someone who you trust enough to struggle with.  Then remember, we have all been there, even if we haven’t been brave enough to share it.

Today I am here, in the struggle.  Not on the other side.  Not full of joy.  Not trying to make the best of it.  Right now, I am just here.

But, I won’t stay here.  That is the key.  Figuring out how to not stay stuck in the struggle. There are lots of ways I do this.  Praying, journaling, seeing a counselor, seeking a trusted friend to help me process out loud.   This season of life comes with struggles often, but I try to start each day fresh, with a good perspective.  Sometimes I don’t though.  Sometimes I just struggle.  And guess what, thats ok.

 

Camper Living, Encouragement, Family, home sweet home, My Story, Uncategorized

Welcome to our adventure

IMG_2418.JPGWelcome to our adventure- seemed extra fitting for not only a door hanger for our next “home” but our life in general.

Since the beginning, Joel and I have done things anything but normal.  We started out way too young, having a baby when we were still kids ourselves.  We worked hard, made mistakes, and opted to never give up no matter what.  I remember buying our first house at 18 years old.  We barely consulted anyone and just decided we wanted to make our own way, knowing we would mess up at times.  That was before we had whole heartedly put our trust in Jesus but rather whole heartedly tried to do it all on our own.  (spoiler alert, God is better at it than we are!)

Somewhere along the way things changed,  Jesus swept in and helped shake things up for us!  We started looking more at a big picture and evaluating our hearts and the paths we were on.  Did they take us where we were trying to go?  Nope!  We realized priorities needed to change and so everything in our life started shifting.  This is when we started making choices that people didn’t understand.  We got lots of questions all the time about the direction change we had made.

You see, we made a lot of choices in the beginning that set us on paths we didn’t want to be on.  The world would see these choices as normal, but as time went on, we realized we wanted on a different path because the one we had put ourselves on wasn’t taking us where we wanted to go.  Getting there hasn’t been easy, but we are trying hard to correct, move forward, and not get back on path full of debt and in the moment choices.

2 years ago we bought a piece of land.  A month later we had our 5th child.  10 days after she was born, our family of 7 moved into a camper.  Yep!  We lived in the camper for 7 months until the house was far enough along that we could move in.  We lived without cabinets or sinks for a while, but got use to using the bathtub for everything!

We fell in love with our house quickly!  Every detail was done with our family in mind.  From the  layout to the finishes, this was ours!  We have a heart for hosting and loving on others and when we built the house that was one of the things we kept in mind.  It didn’t take long before we were ready to utilize the perfect entertaining space and we started hosting people before we had cabinets!  The house was wonderful and we loved it all.

After living in the house 8 months something happened.  We realized that selling our house, the one we poured our hearts into and loved so much, would help us stay on the path that lead us where we wanted to go.  After praying a ton and having lots of conversations weighing the decision, we decided we were going to sell.  It was a hard choice but one we felt good about.

2 years after buying our property, we sold our house.  Bittersweet for sure.  It wasn’t our original plan but we see God’s hand in every single detail.  (one day maybe I will share it all here!)

So what is next.  That is what we get asked daily.  Where are you moving?  What are you doing?  Are you living in the camper again?

We are building a shop.  The shop will be our home while we build the next house.  We are use to unusual and we tend to think that if we made it in the camper, we can probably live about anywhere!  The shop will be a lot more room than the camper was and we all know it is temporary.  We plan to do lots of adventures soon and maybe, just maybe I will get better at regularly writing about them all!

Here is to adventure!  May you find it in your own way, enjoy it, and learn from it!

Celebrate Recovery, Encouragement, Family, My Story, Uncategorized

The roadblocks in life

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My sweet 6 year old was playing quietly in her room with the doll house her daddy built her for Christmas.  I told her it was time for lunch and she quickly said “I am going to eat and come right back in here to play, ok?”  I reminded her that her little sister would need to take a nap as soon as lunch was over.  She was upset and asked if I would please move the doll house out of there.  It is solid wood and not the lightest thing but I loved that she wanted to play so I moved it.

At rest time, I allow our 4 & 6 year old to watch a few shows.  We don’t do TV other than this block of time, unless it is family movie night or something.  I had moved the doll house into the living room so she could play.  After I started the show, my daughter said “can you mute it?  I am too distracted to play with my doll house and really want to play!”  I thought about turning off the TV, but selfishly  I knew I needed our sweet boy to stay still for an hour so I could get stuff done, so I left the TV on and moved the doll house again, this time into my room.

“Mom, I really want to play with my doll house so bad but I just keep getting distracted with the TV!”   Even when she wasn’t in the same room as the TV, it was distracting her.

My 6 year old has a desire to do something, but the TV being on overpowers her desires and keeps her distracted from what she is trying to do.

Wake up call.  She is 6.  If this doesn’t get my attention, I don’t know what will.

I feel we are mindful about electronics.  We have kids who are 13 & 15 and they do not have personal cell phones.  No one has unlimited access to video games, iPads, computers, or television. But the fact that the TV is this distracting to our 6 year old and keeping her from doing something she wanted to do, really alarmed me.

I have read articles, studies, blog posts, and listened to podcasts about technology and all of the negative effects.  I have read warnings from other parents.  I have examined my own negative habits.  I have taken a break from social media for an extended period of time.  I feel informed and aware but something about this didn’t sit well.  It just felt like maybe what we were doing to protect our family wasn’t enough.

I had been reading in Romans a few days before this happened.  Romans 12:2 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind”.  In my notes on this section I wrote “The world is loud!  It seems to always be drawing me in and distracting me.”

A few chapters later in Romans 14:13-23, it is talking about being careful not to cause others to stumble.  As I read this, I thought about what causes me to stumble.  My main questions were: What keeps me distracted from what I want to do? From what I value?  From what I know God is calling me to do? Does my time spent on technology aline with my priorities?  When I started answering these questions, I realized my phone is probably what trips me up the most.  Even when I take a break from social media, I still struggle with wanting to be on my phone.

Technology is addicting.  I don’t want to admit that, I know a lot of us don’t, but it is the unfortunate reality.   When there is an addiction to something, the obvious first step would be to remove it from your life.  After realizing just how much technology is effecting my family, even with boundaries, we are currently rethinking what is healthy for us.  The Bible is fairly clear and says if something is causing you to sin, you should remove it. We live in a world that runs on technology so it feels very tricky to navigate this topic.

All I know is that I don’t want to wake up one day and realize all I have missed or lost by allowing the distractions of this world to create a roadblock to the life I want to live.  I don’t have all the answers but felt I needed to share my heart on this.  To start a conversation.  Maybe you are here too.  Looking at life and seeing that there are things that are keeping you from living your best life.  Keeping you from what is most important to you.

Maybe today you need to ask yourself some hard questions and then come up with a plan to remove things from your life that are causing you to stumble.  Maybe it isn’t technology.  Maybe there is something else in your life that has a strong hold on you.  Whatever it is, know that we all have something and if you are struggling, you are not alone!

One of the best things I ever did for myself was attending Celebrate Recovery.  Going through the steps helped me learn how to identify things in my life that needed work.  I always like to give CR a plug because I truly believe it is impactful and incredibly helpful!  If you need more info please let me know and I will be happy to point you in the right direction.  CR is for anyone with hurts, habits, or hangups (in case you didn’t know, that is all of us!).

So for now, this is just an encouragement to take a step for yourself and your family to see if there are any roadblocks keeping you from your best life.  Today, our family is taking a good look at the technology we allow in our home.  Tomorrow, I will probably become aware of something new….. One day at a time friends!

 

Encouragement, Family, My Story, Uncategorized

Just give me the field

DSC_5094bwA few weeks ago I bought a cheap $3 lavender seed kit from the amazing everything use to be a dollar bin at Target.  Y’all I have bought these kits before and let my kids mess with them- total hands off project.  Nothing ever happens for us.  More than likely it is because we don’t actually water them or give them sunlight.  But I LOVE lavender so I was determined to make this one the exception to the rule.

I added water to the soil and planted the seeds per instructions.  Well kind of, I added all the seeds in the package instead of the 4-6 it suggested.  Rebel, I know.  Any way, I stuck it on the table where it would get sunlight and then actually watered it daily.  My kids helped remind me when the plant was dry and they would water it too.

“MOM, MOM, MOM!!!  This is growing” my kids were yelling in excitement.  Something growing that we planted- it wasn’t normal.  I enthusiastically said “I see!” as I tried to get as excited as they were.  But reality- I just want a lavender field.  Those sprouts are just the beginning but I want the finished product.  I know that the little progress I see, means we have a long way to go.

I watched as each of my kids looked at the tiny little pot with the tiny little sprouts and how they all were filled with such excitement and expectation.  They were excited and expecting of what was to come.

When God is growing us we need to be reminded that the growth is often slow.  It starts under the soil where we don’t actually see the growth.  Then the sprouts come up.  Those sprouts still need water and light.  They need patience and consistency.  Eventually we will have a lavender field that we get to harvest but even then, that field will always need tending.

DSC_5106ccI want to be like my kids watching those sprouts when God is growing me.  I want to be excited and expectant.  I want to marvel at the growth, no matter how small.  I want to keep watering the soil even when I don’t see the growth.  I tend to just want the lavender field.  I want to skip the waiting, the growing, the pruning.  I just want the pretty purple, fragrant field that I can harvest and enjoy.  But that is not reality.

God does His best work in the growing process.  I can get really discouraged when I know I am working but see very little progress.  But progress is progress, no matter how small.  Lets be excited when we see little sprouts of progress in our lives!  Celebrate them, get excited!  If you see a little sprout in your friend, celebrate with her!  Today I just want to encourage you to see the sprouts, thank God for how he is working beneath the soil, and be overjoyed at the progress!

 

Encouragement, Family, My Story, Uncategorized

Lets just adventure!

DSC_5009bw“Put those pillows back on the couch!!!”  I said in a very frustrated tone.  “but momma!!!! I need them to stay safe from the hot lava!” he cried back at me.  His face was saddened as he started to pick up the pillows.  I watched his disappointment and something changed for me, “never mind, leave the pillows, I don’t want you to step in hot lava!”

I like order.  I love a tidy house.  Being organized makes me incredibly happy.  Messes, disfunction, chaos, all cause me to be frustrated and sometimes can make me feel a little crazy.  But today I decided it wasn’t a big deal that my throw pillows were on the floor.  I can wash the covers if they get dirty.  I let the kids climb all over the couches, even though we normally say “stop climbing all over the furniture”.

adventureForcing him to put up the pillows was a big deal to him and I am glad I didn’t make him.  I watched as his imagination soared.  He invited his sisters on his adventure and I sat back and watched them laugh, then squeal when danger approached, and then celebrate when they made it to safety.  The smile on my face as I watched them could have never come from the couches being made up right with pillows perfectly placed.

I started to wonder how often I miss everyday joys because of some expectation I have set.  Obviously my kids need rules and boundaries and they need to obey me, but they also need room to let their imaginations take them to places fun and exciting.  I recently listened to a podcast on parenting with Bob Goff.  He said something along these lines:  Kids need less punishment and more adventure.  When I heard it, I wasn’t really sure what he meant.  But today, I think I get it.  I could get on to Harvey for using my pillows in the floor or I could let him go on an adventure!  There are times that this won’t work but I am confident I could relax a little bit more and allow more adventures!

DSC_4973bwMaybe you are the mom like me who likes things tidy, clean, organized, and the thought of letting your kids make messes stresses you out- this is for you momma!  I want to encourage you to find ways to relax and let your kids imagination and creativity run wild.  I haven’t mastered this but I am trying to find ways to do this without going crazy.  One thing I do is give boundaries with messy things.  Like letting them play play dough or do watercolors but they know to keep it on the placemat (this isn’t perfect and it is still messy but not as bad)  I try to ignore the mess until they are finished and then we just clean it up.  Also, we bought Ikea slipcover couches and that has been amazing!  If dirty feet or hands make a mess on the couch, I don’t even worry about it because I know I can wash it!   I am no where close to being good at this.  I also want to say that my house is rarely clean and organized, even though that is what I prefer.

If you are a mom who is really good at adventure and letting your kids run with creativity I would love your feedback on ways to do this!  We all have strengths and we should share and learn from each other!