Today is an anniversary I wish I didn’t have to remember. It has been 3 years since I walked up to my dads door, waited for him to answer, but he never did. 3 years since my sweet husband bravely walked inside to find him. 3 years since he walked outside to tell me the heartbreaking news. “He’s gone. He took his life.”
It is still crushing to even think about it all. To remember the pain of the day and wonder what happened. Suicide leaves questions that will never be answered. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I am someone who always looks for answers. I want to understand everything. But this one, no matter how much information I seek, I will never fully understand it.
Suicide leaves behind so much. It leaves pain and what if’s for all of those left here. It leaves grief and tears. Sometimes it leaves anger, hurt, or frustration. 3 years later, and although I have done so much healing, there is still healing to be done. I don’t get anxiety when I drive past the community where he lived any more. I don’t cry about my dads death every day. But there are days that the grief just comes out of no where. Days where I am just sad he isn’t here.
This topic is still something that not everyone is comfortable talking about, but it is one we need to talk about. I have learned of 2 suicides this week and even though I din’t know either person, I have mourned over them. My heart is broken for them. For the pain they were in. For the hurt they felt. For the fight they fought. My heart hurst for the their friends and family as they wrestle with all of the emotions that come with suicide. My prayers for them are pleas with God to hold them together as they process.
Friends, our country needs support, encouragement and love for those who are hurting. Depression is real. Emotional pain is real. Lets search our hearts and find compassion to see others. To really see them. We are all human and we all struggle! If your struggles don’t look like someone else’s, thank God, then ask Him to help guide you as you reach out to those in your life who you know are hurting.
Be a friend. Ask questions. Offer your shoulder to cry on. Don’t judge. Just love.
And if you need a friend, let me know. If you are looking for community to love you through your pain, Celebrate Recovery is the most incredible place to find people who truly love and accept folks just as they are! I would love to help connect you!
1-800-273-8255 is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Call them if you need them.
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