My Story – Page 4 – All the things

Camper Living, Family, My Story, Uncategorized

Just jumping in

September 5, 2016September 5, 2016 Jessica

With our first 2 weeks down in the camper, there are few things I have to note. Let me start by saying I went into this somewhat blindly. I had never stayed in a camper until the first night here. I really had no idea what to expect. If you are reading this and you frequently stay in a camper you may roll your eyes at some of my findings, but for this newbie, there were a few things I wasn’t ready for.

It is bedtime and we are all nestled in our little bed, when all of the sudden the entire camper is shaking and I am sitting up in bed asking if someone is breaking in. Joel informs me one of our kids rolled over in their bed. oh. all that shaking for a shift in position? well, ok then!
The toilet room is extremely small. I mean, I know you aren’t suppose to be doing a lot of moving around but goodness. Also, it kind of feels like a port-a-potty, which doesn’t feel fabulous. I am getting use to it now but will be extra happy to have normal toilets in the new house!
When your water is ran from a hose to the camper, when you take a shower it really makes you feel like you are showering from the garden hose. Essentially, you are, but just inside. You know how water smells coming out of the hose outside? Or is that just me and my overly sensitive nose? Any way, it is a thing, at least for me!
Speaking of shower, when you have 7 people who need to be bathed, and your husband says “oh by the way, you will have to wait at least 20 minutes between each shower because the hot water tank isn’t very big” you realize that showers will now have to be scheduled and no one is allowed to get dirty unless their scheduled shower is next.
While blow drying my hair in the middle of the day, all electricity goes off. I realize I have thrown a breaker. After I threw the breaker 3 more times I realized I wasn’t going to get to blow dry my hair. Apparently when it is 98 degrees outside the camper is working really hard to stay cool and can’t handle my blow dryer. My shower is now scheduled first thing before it gets hot.

It is funny how we get use to certain things and even though there really isn’t anything to complain about living here (we have a roof over our head, electricity, running water, indoor potty), but it still takes some getting use to. I am so thankful for this opportunity and right now I am welcoming the challenges the camper brings. (ask me again in a month or two!) Now if I could just get excited the challenges that the 2 & 4 year old are currently bringing…….

We have had so many people ask us how it is going living in the camper and I must say that so far, it really hasn’t been bad. It has only been 2 weeks of staying here and we have a long ways to go still. I am happy to have less to clean and I am enjoying the simplicity living in the camper has brought.

Here’s to another week of camper living, coffee, & Jesus!

Encouragement, My Story, Suicide Awareness

My Truths About Suicide & Depression

September 17, 2015March 14, 2019 Jessica

On October 4, 2014 my world was shaken, broken. We went to pick my dad up to take him with us to our son’s soccer game, but my dad didn’t come to the door. Fear filled my body and I rushed to the car to tell my husband he had to go in and check on him. As I waited outside I will never forget the anxious, awful feelings I felt, but they can’t even compare to the feelings that came next when my sweet husband had to tell me that my dad had passed away. In the split second before I knew how, I thought heart attack? It had to be a heart attack! It wasn’t. My dad chose to end his own life. The heartbreak, confusion, anxiety, the questions, it all came flooding in. Like a rush of lies at first. I laid on the grass making noise but not sure I made sense. I was in disbelief and shock. I wanted to cry but no tears came because my body hadn’t processed the fact that this was real. The days that followed were full of tears. Planning a funeral, cleaning out an apartment, and visiting with an overwhelming number of people was truly an emotional experience.

I love to write and share my life. It is a great joy of mine. I have wrestled multiple times in the last 11 months about writing this but could never bring myself to do it. See suicide is a touchy subject. Not everyone can talk about it. Not everyone wants to talk about it. It is difficult to know what to say. How much is too much? Will I offend anyone? Will I offend my family by telling this story? But I feel now, more than ever that now is the time to share this story. You see, in the last week I have learned of 4 suicides in our community. One of which was the 2nd student in our town to take their life this year. To add to this, in the past year, 2 students have taken their lives in the very tiny community where I grew up. I am devastated, heartbroken, and just plain sad over this. The day my dad died I was praying and telling God I wanted to wake up from this. I did not want this to be part of my story. I wanted nothing to do with suicide. I wanted it to just go away. But I felt peace after I was done praying and I felt as though God said to me “You will be better equipped for the purpose I have for you on the other side of this. I will not waste an ounce of this pain.”

In the midst of all this tragedy, I want to share a few truths. They are truths to me anyway. I am not an expert on suicide or depression, in fact until my dad died I knew very little about suicide. All I really knew was it seemed very sad and confusing. My prayer is that these words, this story, could at least touch a few lives and help people see things a little different.

Depression is real. It may not always look “text book”. It doesn’t always play out like you see in a movie. People who are depressed often continue to live life normally on the outside. A lot of times, depression is an inward struggle. I have experienced it, felt it, endured it. It is not fun and there were times where it felt like the world was just caving in around me. I wondered if I could go on. I wondered if I just left if the people in my life would be better off. I was in darkness. It was all I could do to just take care of the absolute things. I was not functioning like I use to or knew I could. I battled hard everyday. I cried a lot. But everyone else outside of my house, they thought I was fine. I smiled, I kept my responsibilities, I tried to be happy. I even told several friends I wasn’t ok but they dismissed it. “You are fine, you are just in a rough season” but it was more then that. I was hurting, in darkness. Sometimes when you are there in the darkness you can’t see any hope for the light.

If someone asks for your help, please offer it. Don’t try to down play their feelings or tell them they are not valid or real. I promise, even if you can see the truth, they might not be able to. Be supportive and loving. Don’t stop letting them know how much they are cared for and needed.

If you need help, set your pride aside and get it. I have been in counseling since my dad died and it has been a huge help. I did a year at Celebrate Recovery to overcome self esteem issues, codependency, and lots of other things. (Learn more about my Celebrate Recovery journey here) Getting help is hard. Going to the difficult places it takes to get better are emotionally are hard, but you know what? Hurting is just as hard. The difference is the outcome! You CAN be healthy. You CAN overcome things. It won’t happen over night, but you can do it!

Suicide is the most painful thing I have ever had to deal with. I don’t understand why my dad chose to leave us and I never will. If you are reading this and feel like suicide is an option for you, I beg you to please take that option off the table. Check yourself into a rehabilitation facility. Go see a counselor. Just get help. I promise that leaving those in your life behind will hurt them deeply. It will create a hole in their soul. It will leave them with guilt. They will never stop questioning why. Your loved ones need you.

This is a plea for everyone to look around you. This world is full of hurting people. You may not see it, but the person you pass at the grocery store may be living in darkness even though no one knows. The lady who greeted you at church on Sunday, may be dealing with struggles that she keeps to herself. Your boss at work, his life may be a mess on the inside. We are all human. We all need to feel loved, wanted, needed. Start looking around and seeing people. Start giving out hugs, high fives, or even just flashing a smile. Slow down, look people in the eyes, and be genuine. I don’t know how to end this tragic thing called suicide, but all I know is, I want to do whatever I can to help and I ask that you join me.

Family, My Story, Uncategorized

Just Celebrate!

June 4, 2015February 3, 2016 Jessica

Tomorrow I turn 30. I hear lots of comments on aging all the time. Most of them are of dread. I know lots of people who have turned 30 and more who see that birthday fast approaching. “Don’t remind me!” they say. But I don’t get it. Yes, I am getting older, but isn’t that much better then the alternative? If you aren’t getting older, you are dead to put it bluntly.

In my opinion, old and young are relevant terms that serve a purpose at times, but aren’t necessary or accurate in categorizing yourself on a whole. Age is just a record keeping number. Now, with age comes things that people dislike, such as wrinkles, slower metabolisms, and aching bodies, and I do understand a dislike for those things, but the number of years you have been alive should be a celebration every.single.year!

Getting older is a BIG deal, and YOU should celebrate it! Each birthday, no matter what number is attached to it, is a blessing! I am excited to be 30 and to GET to celebrate it. My life is full of so many blessings I can’t even begin to list them. Sure, there are things in it and about it I do not love, but I am choosing to celebrate today!

{I have to take a minute and brag on these gorgeous pictures we had done a few weeks ago. Samantha Daniels Photography did them for us. I told her I wanted her to capture our relationships and she did just that!}

So here’s to another year, and I hope many many more! I hope the next time you have a birthday you will do the same, and just simply celebrate your life!

Encouragement, Family, My Story

The Perfection Infection

June 1, 2015June 1, 2015 Jessica

No more perfect Mom, Chapter 1 (These are my thoughts on the book “No More Perfect Mom by Jill Savage” along with quotes from the book)

I was introduced to this book after doing a 7 day devotional on YouVersion (bible app). I loved every day of the devotional and wanted more when the 7 days was over and that is when I discovered there was a book. The more I researched the book the more I knew I needed it and felt it was so timely for this season in my life.

Chapter 1, The Perfection Infection, hit home with me. What I found was, a lot of what she was saying I already knew, but still struggle with. I know that I can’t compare my life to ANYTHING I see on social media, but I still do it. I know the “highlight reel vs. blooper reel” thing. BUT, knowing doesn’t always make it easier. It makes me more aware but it doesn’t solve the problem. I am still tempted (and fall into the trap often) to compare myself- my appearance, my kids, my house, my craftiness, my pictures, and so on, to everyone else’s. Social media really makes that easy doesn’t it? I know we all wear masks that hide what we don’t want others to see and I know we generally only let out the pretty parts.

But, then there were a few things I had to break out my highlighter for and really think about. “The thing about masks is that they never bring us closer to who we were created to be. Masks always make shallow what God has intended to be deep.” This took me back and I had to stop there and read it again. Wow- I don’t know that I have ever viewed it in that light. She goes on to list Friendships, Marriages, Families, and Churches. What would happen if all of those relationships were deep, like God intended them to be instead of sheltered and shadowed by the masks that we put on? I can only imagine!

When she puts it in the context of “me” I really had to stop again and contemplate all I had read. Cheating myself in my relationships by wearing a mask? We live in a world that not only makes wearing a mask easy, but also makes it very normal. It is easy to say “Oh I am fine, thank you!” and move on when really we are hurting on the inside. For me, I fear that others don’t really want to hear what I have to say or that they really won’t care how I am doing, so I politely respond and leave it at that. But masks hide the truth. They allow us to stay alone in our pain, frustration, sadness, brokenness, sorrow. Wearing a mask keeps us from having the opportunity to be encouraged, loved, and held up by one another. It also keeps us from sharing our story with someone who may need to hear it. Who may be feeling just like we are but they feel so alone. “Not only that, but wearing masks breeds judgment. It keeps us judging ourselves and others instead of living in and loving through grace” That line right there- the judgment that comes from wearing a mask is real. I realize I do this and it makes me sad to think about. I wear a mask to protect myself but wearing that mask causes me to look at others different. That mask is a lie, and as long as I am wearing it I cant see the heart of anyone else.

Our world screams YOU MUST BE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. I know I strive for it even though I don’t like to admit it and I am getting better at letting some areas of my life be just fine wherever they are. What happens when we let what others have, become who we think we should be? We may become discontent with our real lives. “Most of the time we don’t even realize that is what we are doing. It’s a subtle erosion of our satisfaction. If we don’t recognize it, the discontentment can turn into disappointment, and then the disappointment can eventually turn into disillusionment.” I have found myself in that place before. Where it seems like all I am ever saying is “I wish….. my house was, my kids were, my marriage was” Instead of looking at all the things I do have, I end up focused on the disappointments. There is no happiness in this.

I don’t have anything figured out but one thing I do know is we are not alone. Being a mom is hard. There are days that I say more then once “I don’t think I can do this any more”. I dream of being on the beach alone often. My kids don’t always do what they are suppose to. I yell at them and then have to apologize. There are times when I am so tired I can’t seem to function properly and I feel so guilty that I can’t shake the exhaustion. I have lost it over missing shoes, sippy cups, brushing teeth, and so many other things that seem so silly. My house does not stay clean and I can’t seem to keep it organized like I use to. The laundry falls behind. I haven’t successfully meal planned in months or gone to the grocery store with a solid list. We eat out more then we should because I fail to plan. But I bet that I am not alone. Moms- we need each other. We need to be able to say “I am having a horrible day” and not fear judgment. We need to be able to stick together. To love each other with grace.

I am so excited about this book! The next Chapter is The Antidote. THANK YOU for that, because I need it! We are reading a chapter a week over the summer, so feel free to grab a copy and join us!

Encouragement, My Story, Uncategorized

Dear Mom, you do not need to…

April 14, 2015February 3, 2016 Jessica

…..go to Africa, start a non-profit, rescue women from sex trafficking, adopt orphans in China……

Yes, those are all good things and there is nothing wrong with doing them, unless it is not the season for it or the calling God has given you. Lately I have heard multiple people from different places talk about their passions and ministries. These are BIG things that are changing lives and allowing God to show off big time. I sit in awe of these women and how they have allowed their passion to drive them to doing great things. I often feel guilty that I am not doing something note worthy. I don’t have a mission trip to any where planned (unless you count the grocery store- hey anywhere can be a mission field!). I am not starting a non-profit or rescuing women. I am not in the process of adopting an orphan.

In fact, I am smack dab in the middle of motherhood. I have 4 kids that God has entrusted me with. I happen to stay home with them, but you may be a working mom. Either way, if you are a mother, God has given you and me a big responsibility in that role. I hear this statement and I have said it myself so many times, “I am just a mom”. It doesn’t seem very glamorous or big. It doesn’t have the wow factor I feel like it needs.

Guess what? God planted you where you are for a reason. He purposed you, right where you are. You don’t have to do anything more then love your kids. Be the mother they need. Be the wife your husband needs. We can make an incredible mark on this world by accepting the calling that is in our own homes. We have the power to affect generations through our children. The way we parent our kids today will reflect our children’s children, and their children and so on. When you look at the big picture, you see that our jobs as mothers really are BIG. They matter. They mean something.

Today, your job as a mother might seem small. It might seem as though no one notices or cares. It might seem thankless. It really might take 18 years for all your hard work to pay off, but one day, you are going to see the fruit of your labor of love and you will be able to step back and bask in it.

I think God wants us all to be obedient to the calling He places on our hearts. He wants us to be willing and ready to take on whatever he asks of us but also to lay down things he hasn’t asked us to carry. This one is difficult for me. I have been on the search for a meaningful calling for so long and have neglected the fact that being a mom is a meaningful calling. I feel strongly that God is saying “you are enough, who you are matters, lay down your search for meaning, and I will show it to you”.

I decided to share my thoughts on this for several reasons, but the main one is, I hear so many other moms who struggle with thinking they aren’t doing enough. We compare our journeys instead of seeking God to see where He wants us. We place our desire to be seen and accepted in front of the desires God has laid out for us. We wrestle with the desire to feel significant and search for that BIG thing God is going to do through us. For me, I have found that right now, that big thing is right in front of me. Actually, it is at my feet, hanging on my leg, begging for another piece of candy. Ahhhhh Motherhood, right now, it is my BIG calling.

If you find yourself struggling with this season of life, please join me as I pray for other moms just like myself. As I pray for other women who are serving their callings in Africa, in orphanages, starting schools, or rescuing others. There is no woman who has a greater or better calling, just different. We all need to band together and support and love one another. My prayer is that we can become a big community of women who love one another deeply.

If you enjoyed this post please feel free to share it, and also check out this post on seasons. {so glad I reread that and reminded myself of my own words!}

Cleft Lip, Family, My Story

Harvey, 365 days later

April 1, 2015April 1, 2015 Jessica

Harvey is ONE! I never shared his birth story, even though I typed it out a few weeks after he was born so I have decided to share it now!

March 31, 2014…. It is Kamden’s birthday! I woke up feeling a little like labor was in the air. But I wasn’t really sure. I had been in pain for weeks and sweet baby boys position had just made me miserable. I had an appointment that morning. I found out at the appointment I was progressing, and was in between a 3-4 and 50% thinned. (sorry for all of you who that is way too much info for, but this a child birth post).

I left and went to pick up a few last minute birthday gifts for Kam. Then I ran to Walmart and picked up a few groceries. By the time I got to the house to eat lunch with the fam, I told Joel I was really thinking I might go into labor that day. He reminded me that I had all the others at 38 weeks and 2 days, and waiting until Friday (it was Monday) was much better for his schedule. Of course we both laughed at that, knowing we don’t have any control.

I had already been praying that I could wait until AFTER Kamden’s birthday. I did not want to miss his day. I was able to go to dinner and Goody’s for dessert. I was having a few contractions throughout the evening but they were not consistent however by 8:45 when we were at Goody’s they were pretty strong. When we got home we got the kids ready for bed and I went ahead and made sure all the bags were ready. By 11:00 I laid down hoping that I could just sleep. I had contractions 10 min apart for an hour and decided I should wake Joel up. By the time he was awake enough to know what was going on, my contractions were now 3 minutes apart and we both knew we had to hurry! We got to the hospital at about 1:00am (had to wait for someone to get here, then we had to drive to the hospital)

It was a very rushed process with lots of skipped procedure (like being admitted before stuff starts happening) But I was between an 8 and 9. They called my doctor and by the time he got there I was ready to have a baby! We will skip all the fun stuff, and jump ahead to 2:20am, when this perfect little boy arrived! He was so gorgeous and wonderful! Funny how all the chaos disappears and you just fall madly in love with this tiny baby they just laid on your chest! He came into this world 2 hours after his big brothers birthday ended, on April fools day! We didn’t text too many people at 2am but I just knew when we told people the next day they would think it was a joke! We sent photo proof with our text the next morning!

For those of you who may not know, Harvey was born with a incomplete unilateral cleft lip and a notch in his gum line. He had surgery July 2014 to repair his lip. He was so incredibly perfect before and I love looking at all of these pictures of him before his surgery! He is just as perfect now though and I kind of feel blessed he has two smiles! Melts my heart!

This boy is so funny! He loves to play with his big brother and sisters! Everyone spoils him rotten though! He is not walking yet, but crawling and climbing on everything he can get to. He has not been a big fan of baby food, table food, bottle OR sippy cup (mom is his favorite!) but he is finally coming around to table food as long as we let him feed himself. He loves pizza, peanutbutter sandwiches, and ice cream. He is obviously a health nut!

I have said it so many times over the last year, but this boy has taught me SO much about life! I don’t know if I will ever be able to express all of the things he has helped me to see. All I know today, is that I am honored to be his mommy. To watch him grow and learn. To be his teacher and guide through life. I look forward to holding his hand as he walks, helping him memorize scripture and showing him what it means to love Jesus.

My prayers are big for this little guy. I pray God gives me all the strength and wisdom I need to be the best mommy I can be for him. That he knows our love for him always and knows he came into this world perfect in our eyes. I pray that he knows Jesus deeply and knows how loved he is by Him.

I’m ending it with this picture, because right now, he points at everything and says “dat” but it is also a good reminder that he is really ONE! Look how smart he is, holding up one finger- hehehe!

Family, My Story

And… He’s 12!

March 31, 2015March 31, 2015 Jessica

I was a nervous 17 year old girl. I had no clue what the next 24 hours would be like, let alone the next 12 years. Joel and I checked into the hospital at 10:00pm to start the induction process the next day. The night was a blur because they had given me something to help me sleep. I woke up the next morning to find out it was time to have a baby without the help of pitocin! Kamden was ready to be born and was not waiting on the doctor! He came into this world quickly into the nurses arms and peed all over her! That sweet 6 pounds 10 ounce baby boy stole our hearts immediately!

I would love to say that the adventures motherhood have been easy, but any mother knows that is not true! However, I am incredibly thankful that God has extended me so much grace and love all these years! I am beyond blessed to be a mother and although I became a mother very young, I am grateful for all the things I have learned through the trials of being a young parent. There have been many hardships over the past 12 years, but God has never wasted anything.

Kamden you are truly a blessing to our family! Your hard work and willingness to help always amazes me. You have a big heart and imagination. You love endlessly and you care for your family. You are smart (oh man you are smart- maybe sometimes too smart!) Your love for reading inspires me to want to jump into the book with you! You can build things incredibly well and I know you will use your hands to create so many amazing things! I love your smile and how it lights up your entire face! Oh and your eyes- they are so genuine. Your curiosity and thirst for knowledge is obvious. I have enjoyed watching God shape your heart and mold you into the young man He desires for you to be. I can’t wait to see where God takes you!

Happy 12th birthday to our amazing boy!

Encouragement, My Story, Uncategorized

The Social Media Snare

March 2, 2015March 2, 2015 Jessica

I open up my Instagram app and start scrolling. I see some cute kiddo’s, some clothes I would love to buy, then I try to quickly pass up this gorgeous photo of a perfect house. It is clean and decorated so well. I stare for a minute and suddenly I feel less happy with my house. There are toys everywhere. I just mopped 2 hours ago but some how there is mud or sticky juice all over it. I fluffed the couch pillows and straightened the blankets but one of my kids came in and decided it looked more like a trampoline. I had actually given up on my house looking together during the day….. until I saw that post on IG.

I was content with my life until I saw that person I follow on IG has started a new campaign to do something awesome! Now suddenly my life feels like it needs more of something. I thought I was a good mom yesterday, but today I find myself feeling like we don’t do enough fun stuff. My husband brought me a magazine home and I thought it was the sweetest thing, but then I saw that someone else’s husband surprised them with a weekend getaway full of planned surprises and gifts. I read my devotional and wanted to share some inspiration, but now after reading someone elses post, mine doesn’t seem worthy any more.

Suddenly I am wondering why everyone else’s pictures look so much better then mine and I have decided that it is probably because they have more natural light in every room of their house. I start plotting a way to take all the sheetrock out and replace it with windows so I can always have pretty light. I decide more windows is what I need and I will just carry my big girl camera around my neck all day. Baby on the hip, camera around my neck, more windows. This MUST be what they do. Then I see that they are hosting a workshop to tell me all their photography tips and secrets to perfect pictures every time. I am a photographer for goodness sake, but suddenly I am feeling like I don’t know anything about the subject, or certainly not enough.

The truth is, there is always someone I can compare myself to on social media (and in real life for that matter). There is always going to be something I see that makes me feel like I should do something different. I see what others are doing or not doing and I start second guessing myself (I should not be eating gluten, sugar, or any of the other junk I slip up and eat!). Don’t get me wrong, I think we can easily let others inspire us to do better, but we have to be careful not to let what others are doing dictate what we choose to do.

“I have compared myself to you and felt like I could never measure up” “you really are super mom, really” In the last few weeks I have been told those things. It honestly didn’t feel great. I try really hard to be honest with my life and be upfront about my shortcomings and struggles. I want to be honest because I feel like it is the only way to cultivate true relationships. Pretending or sugarcoating our lives for social media only complicates things. BUT, after reflecting on how others view me, I decided to really take a look at my posts.

I love to share and so I share moments or cute pictures that make me happy. I get all of my IG feed printed in books so I like to make sure my favorites make it into the book. I post things to encourage others and myself. I try to post trials and struggles, but I see that I only post the hard things when I am finally at a point to get to the other side of it. This is hard for me to admit but I have found myself wanting to post just because I think the picture will probably be well liked….. Why do I do that? Compliments feel good and everyone wants people to like their posts.

I’m not perfect or a supermom. I am real. I mess up all the time. I get in ruts and can’t seem to get out. I don’t post all the yuck. I don’t want to paint a picture of perfection for everyone to see. I allow my own insecurities to run my life most days. This has become very obvious to me when I look at social media. I don’t want to post things that make others feel inadequate but I also don’t want to stop sharing my life. I am trying to find a balance and figure out how to share appropriately for myself.

I have decided to try hard (I’m not perfect so don’t expect this to be either) to post intentionally. I want to make sure that the heart of the post is good. That I am not seeking attention through my post. That I am not fabricating things to make them look better then they are. I know that I am not responsible for the way others perceive me, but I can be intentional about what and how I post things. So what if my house is a complete mess in a photo, you may see it any way! I want to find that balance of being honest and open without being negative and whiney. I want to post things that bring me joy and at the same time make sure they are real.

I want to encourage you to step away from social media for a minute and evaluate how it makes you feel. What are your true motives when you post and how do you allow what you are viewing to affect you? Maybe you are like me and need to take a minute to remember that those who are posting are not perfect, even if they appear to be. Most of all, to remember no one else is walking in my shoes and no ones journey looks just like mine- so I shouldn’t expect mine to look like theirs either. I need to be able to focus on being thankful for what I have and where I am currently, and not so focused on what I am not.

Much love sweet friends!

Cleft Lip, Family, My Story

Post Op Update (better late then never!)

September 26, 2014September 26, 2014 Jessica

We are now 11 weeks post surgery. Harvey has recovered nicely and his scar is healing well. I am so happy to have the surgery behind us and to just be able to enjoy this sweet boy! He brings so much joy to us every day! He is almost 6 months old (just a few days away from it!) He is rolling around and already trying to crawl. He has been completely healthy and at our last check up on his lip, they had no concerns and said he was doing great!

Because I have had a few people following us that are going through their own cleft journey, I wanted to just share a little more about how things went after surgery (I meant to share sooner, but just haven’t gotten around to it!)

The first week was really rough and a little bit harder than we anticipated. Eating was a challenge. He was in pain and just didn’t want to eat. He was very fussy and did not want to be put down either, not even when he slept. All of this is understandable after having surgery and having around 50 stitches in your lip! It was a long week, but the day we got the stitches removed Harvey returned to his old self, happy and eating like a champ! If you are interested in seeing all of our posts about this cleft journey you can find them here or by clicking on the category “cleft lip”. If you are just now starting to read, you can see some before pictures too.

Here are a few pictures to show his journey after the stitches came out! Most are just from my phone because with 4 kiddo’s I just don’t seem to pull out the real camera regularly, but you can still see how wonderful our team did! Arkansas Children’s Hospital is simply amazing!

Harvey was super flirty with the nurse that did his admission vitals. He smiled at her the entire time!

This was right before they took him back for the suture removal. It was still hard for them to take your baby to do anything, but knowing the anesthesia was light and it was going to be so quick made it a lot easier!

This is the first picture of his lip after the stitches were taken out. I couldn’t believe how good it looked!

This one is probably about 5 weeks after the stitches were taken out.

All of these pictures are recent, taken last week. Harvey is very expressive. His smiles are big and his serious face is also very priceless!

This is classic Harvey! Smiling big with his tongue sticking out!

I think you can see his lip best here. We still have some scar tissue to get rid of but over all, it looks amazing! We have one gorgeous boy!

Encouragement, My Story

The truth about happily ever after

September 22, 2014 Jessica

Yesterday Joel and I celebrated 11 years of marriage. Really, it feels like a pretty big accomplishment now days. Every year of marriage is a reason to celebrate! This past year I have realized a lot about marriage.

There seems to be some sort of fairy tale perception of marriage. Some how we have these expectations to live up to and you must be happy all of the time. Your marriage must look like a story book picture of perfection and if by some off chance you slip up and let someone know that your marriage isn’t perfect, then you feel like you are going to be deemed a failure immediately.

I have seen and heard women over the years say things like “I can’t let anyone know my short comings or failures in my marriage because we know others look up to us” I started seeing a problem. We were setting a standard by hiding our problems. A standard that NO ONE can live up to. I realized that marriage was now made to be some unobtainable fairytale that was destined to fail with the expectations that are being placed on it. No wonder relationships are failing! You have all of these couples out there striving to be perfect and pretending to be too, because they are too scared to admit that it isn’t

I started trying to seek the help of other married folks a long time ago. People who had been married for a long time and who I knew had good advice. In asking over the years, you know what I found out? Marriage is hard. I always thought there would be some sort of magic number and that after that marriage got easy! I was even told that if you could make it to year 7, you could make it. I remember really thinking that if we could get to 7 we were golden! But guess what? Years 7-11 haven’t been easy either!

Marriage takes work. Continuous work. It takes commitment to stick it out and work out every problem that comes up. The hard truth is the problems in my marriage that I feel like should be resolved already, are just a result of two sinners being married and living in the same house. Obviously we want to work on our problems and not excuse them, but what I don’t hear anyone saying is “it is perfectly normally to have problems”.

I want to squash the lie that a good marriage means a marriage without problems. It is just not true. A good marriage communicates and works through problems when they come up. They find a way to navigate through their issues. They don’t give up on each other, they don’t point fingers and blame. A good marriage doesn’t hold a grudge. A good marriage chooses to see the good in their spouse and love them right where they are. To support them and commit to growing along side of them. A good marriage knows and understand that neither person is perfect and both individuals have strengths and weaknesses. It puts pride aside and lifts the other person up. It looks to biblical principals, leans on God, and puts their trust in Him. A good marriage just simply chooses to never give up.

So today, freshly entering my 12th year of marriage, I can say that my marriage isn’t perfect at all but it is good. It is good because we continue to choose to work on it. We keep evaluating ourselves and our actions, learning from our mistakes, and always forgiving one another when we make mistakes (because we do!) We are commited to making our marriage better, not perfect. We decided we will not give up on each other or our marriage, no matter how hard things get.

If you are reading this and feel like you are alone and maybe your marriage is the only one that has hard times, please let me encourage you that you are not alone! Please don’t give up! Know that it is hard work, but it is worth it when you put the work in and start seeing the fruit! Trust God, lean on Him, and find another couple you can trust and count on to give sound advice. On the other hand, if you are couple who doesn’t like to share your trials, can I encourage you to pray about opportunities to be honest with others, so that your experiences can encourage other couples to not throw in the towel when it gets difficult? To share with them that there are difficulties but they can get through them.