Category: Encouragement

Are you thriving or surviving?  And why is it important to know the difference? 

Drowning.  Overwhelmed.  Struggle.  Not enough.  Failure.  These were things I was using to describe my everyday.   What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I get it together??  After praying and seeking answers constantly, it hit me- I am trying to live like I am thriving, but the reality is, I am surviving.  

I have been in seasons of thriving.  I was able to juggle my marriage, kids, homeschool, a photography business, volunteering, and friendships with little problem.  I could eat healthy and make everything from scratch.  I could lead groups, go to bible studies, social gatherings, and always felt so driven.  I strived to be a better person everyday and wanted to encourage and love everyone around me well.  I was able focus on my health and wellness, as well as those in my family too.  

But here I am now.  Feeling like life is just a crazy mess.  Living in a shop with temporary living conditions.  Even though our basic needs are met and we have more in the shop than a lot of people do, it is anything but ideal or easy.  I don’t do well in clutter or dysfunctional living spaces and that is exactly where we are which leaves me feeling exhausted.  We are building a house that we are personally doing a lot of work on which is also hard.  We have 5 kids that keep us busy, even though we aren’t involved in much.  Our kids range in age from 2-16 so we are constantly trying to balance the needs of teenagers and toddlers.  We started a new business which requires lots of attention too.  Then there are all the regular things of life, like dentist appointments, haircuts, and shopping trips for new shoes and so on, x7 people= time consuming.  

The past 5 years have been really hard on our family.  In 5 years, we have had 2 babies, one of which was born with a cleft lip.  My dad took his life which left unshakeable grief at times and has been a lot to process.  All 7 of us lived in a camper while we built a house.  Then we knew the unexpected right thing to do was to sell that house.  We had to close our business of 12 years and start a new one.  These are just a handful of the events that have happened that have kept us all feeling as though we are on an emotional roller coaster, fighting to keep going.  

As I prayed, I felt God saying to me “Stop fighting.  Float.  I have given you the ability to float.  The more you fight the quicker you sink.  You are exhausting yourself for no reason.”  I felt so much comfort in this but I wasn’t even sure what it meant.  The more I went to The Word for affirmation, the clearer it all became.  I was fighting for so much that God wasn’t asking me to fight for.  If I would stop, rest in Him, and seek only what He was calling me to, I wouldn’t be sinking any more.  

I am in a season of survival.  Each day I’m just trying to make it through.  There are so many reasons why I am here in this place but I had to understand what being here meant for me.  I realized that what I was doing was trying to give something I didn’t have to give at the moment, all because I use to be able to.  I don’t have extra energy, time, or strength to give anything or anyone outside of my home.  I can’t volunteer, lead bible studies, manage others, or start something new and exciting.  For me, this doesn’t seem natural or normal.  I can do all the things.  But when I give what little I have to people outside of my home, I am short of everything I need to do well at home.  I know God has called me to be a wife and mom first and in this season, that is about all I can do if I want to do it well.  

Being able to name the season– surviving not thriving, has allowed me to adjust my expectations and understand what needs to happen for me and my family.  

I can’t do a lot of things that my heart desires in this season, but that is ok.  I also can’t compare my journey because some people have more to give right now then I do.  All I can do is assess where I am right now and make choices that makes sense for us.  I know that every yes means no to something and because of this season, I have to be even more careful about how I balance my yes and no’s.  I know that this season isn’t forever and one day I will enter back into a season of thriving.  

For now, I am embracing this season, adjusting my expectations, giving myself lots of grace, and setting my sights on what I know is mine.  I write this as an encouragement to anyone who feels like they aren’t making it.  Who feels overwhelmed and unsure what to do.  Name your season and decide what you can do in it.  Don’t feel bad for needing to let things go in this season.  Do what is best for you and your family, knowing one day this season will pass and you will get back to where you want to be!

Does God really have a plan for me?  How does he communicate with me?  What is my next step?  The questions were many and and I always felt the answer I would get was “are you reading your bible?”  It honestly discouraged me.  Yes.  I do!  I read it.  But I rarely feel like I am truly hearing from God when I read.  At least not clearly.

I was constantly wanting more than what I had.  I prayed, I did bible studies, devotionals.  I felt like I was doing what I was suppose to, but what was missing?

A little over a year ago I was told our church was starting discipleship groups.  These would be small groups of women/men, 3-5 in each group and they would commit to meeting weekly for a year while reading through the bible together.  I was in.  I didn’t even need more info, I was just in.  I knew I wanted and needed more in my spiritual life.   What I didn’t know is how much the year would transform the way I thought about the bible and deepen my relationship with God.

The reading was assigned each week and was structured to be done 5 days a week.  Along with reading, we also were to journal our thoughts.  Sometimes I journaled lots of questions that arose from the reading and then would dig deeper to find answers.  When we came together each week, we would discuss what we read and what we got out of it.

I had never read the bible from cover to cover because it seemed so daunting.  Even when I had attempted it before, I never stuck with it.  I use to feel “less spiritual” because it took the accountability of a group to get me to consistently read my bible, however all throughout the bible, community is encouraged.  I know God didn’t intend this life to be be done alone and I am so encouraged to have the accountability of others who are seeking the same thing.  Growth.

If it takes the accountability of a group of other women, meeting for a year, to get me in the word daily and to make it a habit, I can’t imagine God is shaking His head at me saying “well I can’t believe that is what it took.” Nope.  He is just excited that our relationship is deepening.

I quickly realized that God was communicating to me through the assigned reading of His Word- something I was somewhat skeptical about.  Could God really speak to me when someone else was telling me what to read AND the group was all reading the same thing?  How could He speak specifically to me this way?  But, I would pray about things going on in life and then read my bible and there were the answers.  For the first time, I realized that consistently reading the bible daily was how God was moving, answering prayers, and speaking to me.  Affirmation after affirmation, I would see whatever I was praying about in my reading.  God was moving in my heart and I experienced how powerful being in God’s word is.  Transformation happens here.

There were times I would be struggling with my self worth and the reading would reassure me of how loved I am by God.  We made several big life decisions last year and throughout the process of making those,  I felt God encouraging me as I read His word.  God also gave me insight into parts of my life I needed to work on.  I was able to see Gods character more clearly when I was reading the ALL of the story and not just part of it.  The commitment of daily bible reading has helped me grow spiritually and deepened my faith and trust in God.

If you have ever been stuck feeling like you don’t hear from God, I am giving you the advice I was always given but with a little encouragement.  Read your bible, but don’t read your bible randomly.  Be consistent.  If you know you need accountability, find a friend or group and go through it together.  There is power in accountability and community.  Not only did I learn so much from the bible, but I also learned from the others in the group and experienced community.

Don’t let fear or pride keep you from growth.  It is ok to need help in this journey.  I just started year 2 of this Discipleship journey with a new group of women and I am enthusiastically excited to see how God moves in each of our lives this year and in our group as a whole!

This has been my prayer.  Heal my heart Lord.  Open my eyes to things I don’t see.  Show me how to love like you do.  Break my heart for what breaks yours.

Has anyone ever told you to be careful what you pray for?  Praying to have eyes to see things the way God does and for your heart to hurt for what His hurts for- it can be a really emotional, difficult ride.

As I have prayed this and really desired for God to change my heart, I have seen how over the years my experiences have helped me to see people more.  To see them differently.  To love them better.  To understand their heart.  God can use our own experiences to see others.  But God can also use those situations to help others see too.  By sharing our experiences, our journey, our passions, our heart, we can help others see too.

At 17, I found out I was pregnant.  Over the years I have been able to have conversations with people and help them to understand what it is like to experience pregnancy as a young girl.  This is a scary and difficult time.  Others who are facing this need love, grace, acceptance but often, that is not what they receive.

My dad took his life almost 3 years ago.  Before I had to walk through loosing someone to suicide, I thought suicide was sad, but I honestly hadn’t really thought much about it.  My thoughts about the topic are deep now.  My view of suicide and all of those affected by it are now full of grace and compassion.  Sharing my experience with others has helped other people shift their view too.

On a regular basis I see people who are so passionate about something I know nothing about.  You know what has changed me, wrecked me, and opened my eyes to the world as God sees it?  Taking time to hear others sharing the passions that God has laid on their life.  There is nothing quite like sitting down with someone and listening to them explain why they fighting for a cause, a person, a country.  I have walked away from conversations with a new perspective and appreciation for others in a way I never have before.

If you want to start seeing the world like God does, to love like He does, start talking to people.  God calls us all differently, uniquely, but He calls us all to love.  We aren’t all going to travel to another country, adopt children, speak from a stage, or mentor someone who needs guidance, but we all can love and support others who are doing those things.  (Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:10)

I can’t even explain to you how different I feel about things after hearing someones heart.  Talking to a missionary doesn’t mean that I am going to feel like I have to uproot my family and go- but sometimes I think we shy away from learning because we are afraid that through learning, we might have to do something we don’t want to.  Ignorance may be bliss, but theres also lots to miss and we shouldn’t let fear of what God might ask us to do keep us from this.

Recently I had a conversation with a missionary and learned that one of the biggest needs of full time missionaries, are visits from people outside of the mission field that allow them to connect, relax, feel loved and supported.  I was surprised!  Listening to her tell me about her experiences was so eye opening.  I don’t feel God called me to leave this country and be a full time missionary, but my heart was stirred to use the gifting and calling God has placed on my life in the mission field.  She helped me to see that some of the things I had thought, weren’t really true and then shared with me so I could understand what it is really like.  My heart is now stirred different because I now understand how I can be useful in a situation I thought I had no place in before.

I’ve learned that a lot of times I discount myself because I don’t feel qualified to do what others are doing and the truth is, a lot of times I am not!  But the more I learn, the more I see that Gods unique calling on my life, and the gifting He has given me can often be used in ways I didn’t see before.  It doesn’t always look like what I think it should, but that is the beauty in it!

Listening to others stories can often help us to see the world differently.  If you want to God to stir your heart, be in prayer, and then ask and listen to others as they share their hearts!  Remember that the unique journey He has taken you on can also be a source of life for others too.  I love hearing others stories so if you want to share, lets grab coffee soon!  If you decide you would like to share in a more public way, I would love to be able to share others passions on my blog too!