No more perfect Mom, Chapter 1 (These are my thoughts on the book “No More Perfect Mom by Jill Savage” along with quotes from the book)
I was introduced to this book after doing a 7 day devotional on YouVersion (bible app). I loved every day of the devotional and wanted more when the 7 days was over and that is when I discovered there was a book. The more I researched the book the more I knew I needed it and felt it was so timely for this season in my life.
Chapter 1, The Perfection Infection, hit home with me. What I found was, a lot of what she was saying I already knew, but still struggle with. I know that I can’t compare my life to ANYTHING I see on social media, but I still do it. I know the “highlight reel vs. blooper reel” thing. BUT, knowing doesn’t always make it easier. It makes me more aware but it doesn’t solve the problem. I am still tempted (and fall into the trap often) to compare myself- my appearance, my kids, my house, my craftiness, my pictures, and so on, to everyone else’s. Social media really makes that easy doesn’t it? I know we all wear masks that hide what we don’t want others to see and I know we generally only let out the pretty parts.
But, then there were a few things I had to break out my highlighter for and really think about. “The thing about masks is that they never bring us closer to who we were created to be. Masks always make shallow what God has intended to be deep.” This took me back and I had to stop there and read it again. Wow- I don’t know that I have ever viewed it in that light. She goes on to list Friendships, Marriages, Families, and Churches. What would happen if all of those relationships were deep, like God intended them to be instead of sheltered and shadowed by the masks that we put on? I can only imagine!
When she puts it in the context of “me” I really had to stop again and contemplate all I had read. Cheating myself in my relationships by wearing a mask? We live in a world that not only makes wearing a mask easy, but also makes it very normal. It is easy to say “Oh I am fine, thank you!” and move on when really we are hurting on the inside. For me, I fear that others don’t really want to hear what I have to say or that they really won’t care how I am doing, so I politely respond and leave it at that. But masks hide the truth. They allow us to stay alone in our pain, frustration, sadness, brokenness, sorrow. Wearing a mask keeps us from having the opportunity to be encouraged, loved, and held up by one another. It also keeps us from sharing our story with someone who may need to hear it. Who may be feeling just like we are but they feel so alone. “Not only that, but wearing masks breeds judgment. It keeps us judging ourselves and others instead of living in and loving through grace” That line right there- the judgment that comes from wearing a mask is real. I realize I do this and it makes me sad to think about. I wear a mask to protect myself but wearing that mask causes me to look at others different. That mask is a lie, and as long as I am wearing it I cant see the heart of anyone else.
Our world screams YOU MUST BE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. I know I strive for it even though I don’t like to admit it and I am getting better at letting some areas of my life be just fine wherever they are. What happens when we let what others have, become who we think we should be? We may become discontent with our real lives. “Most of the time we don’t even realize that is what we are doing. It’s a subtle erosion of our satisfaction. If we don’t recognize it, the discontentment can turn into disappointment, and then the disappointment can eventually turn into disillusionment.” I have found myself in that place before. Where it seems like all I am ever saying is “I wish….. my house was, my kids were, my marriage was” Instead of looking at all the things I do have, I end up focused on the disappointments. There is no happiness in this.
I don’t have anything figured out but one thing I do know is we are not alone. Being a mom is hard. There are days that I say more then once “I don’t think I can do this any more”. I dream of being on the beach alone often. My kids don’t always do what they are suppose to. I yell at them and then have to apologize. There are times when I am so tired I can’t seem to function properly and I feel so guilty that I can’t shake the exhaustion. I have lost it over missing shoes, sippy cups, brushing teeth, and so many other things that seem so silly. My house does not stay clean and I can’t seem to keep it organized like I use to. The laundry falls behind. I haven’t successfully meal planned in months or gone to the grocery store with a solid list. We eat out more then we should because I fail to plan. But I bet that I am not alone. Moms- we need each other. We need to be able to say “I am having a horrible day” and not fear judgment. We need to be able to stick together. To love each other with grace.
I am so excited about this book! The next Chapter is The Antidote. THANK YOU for that, because I need it! We are reading a chapter a week over the summer, so feel free to grab a copy and join us!