I keep struggling with where to start on all of the things I want to share. I feel like being fully transparent is something God has asked me to do. I have decided to start today by just sharing a written version of my short video testimony that was played at Momentum Church 2 weeks ago. I will continue to share my struggles and go deeper into my story, but it is way to much for one post or even 10! I love music and this song just keeps speaking to me. Through all of this, I just pray that all the glory is given to God through me sharing my journey.
6 months ago……
The alarm goes off, I get out of bed, and I try to decide to be happy, but I am not. I know that I can’t be happy because nothing will go right. I know that what I planned to do will not happen. Something will get in the way. I wanted to have coffee with my husband but he is running late. I wanted to start school on time but the kids are not cooperating. I thought we had plenty of time to leave the house and get where we were going without being late. I just knew I had 2 sticks of butter for this recipe but I only have 1.
Disappointment……. Not only did I anticipate it, I lost it almost every time things were not going well. Maybe you can relate? This caused my mood to be ill almost all the time. I allowed these negative thoughts to take a hold of my day, I allowed this mind set to suck the joy out of my day. I would loose it over the smallest things. I would find myself with uncontrollable emotions over things like my kids not doing things as quickly as I would like, not being able to find a shoe, or my child simply having an accident that I needed to clean up. I found myself constantly feeling guilty for my behavior towards my husband and my children.
I have been able to find peace and hope in trusting Jesus with all of my stuff. Admitting all my faults, and realizing that although hurts from past played a part in a lot of my unhealthy emotional habits, that ultimately it was up to me to be a healthy person. It is my choice to surrender and overcome.
I have not overcome every issue I have and I know that it will always be a process, but I have found that when I turn my will over daily, I am a new person! I am starting to see a huge change in my relationships. I am able to be a more loving, understanding, wife mother, and friend. I also see progress with the way I view myself, which is helping me in so many areas of my life. I see a huge difference in the way I am able to handle stressful situations. Before now, I was always allowing every stress in my life to consume me and cause me to become angry, upset, and resentful. Now I am able to stop and see good, even when things are not perfect!
Today, I can honestly say that I do not have any less stress. In fact, the past few months our family has faced a lot of unexpected stresses. I feel as though working through these healing steps have prepared me to respond to these stressful situations in a healthy way, rather then allowing my irrational, unhealthy thoughts and reactions to take over. These steps have taught me a healthy way to process, heal, and honestly just live life!